bl00dy emi

2010-04-03T07:14:00.005+08:00

Just finished watching the original version of "My Sassy Girl", and it is such a great movie about fate. Gianna Jun/Jun Ji Hyun is such a great actress in this movie, that at the end of the movie I really hope to find a girl almost like her outside.

What does Kara want to do in the future? - AllKpop.com

Since SY wanted to learn a new language and become an interpreter or translator, hopefully she learn malay and settle down here with me in SG... hahaha... what's the odds on that huh? probably close to none! Aigoo... but no matter, i'll keep on hoping... nobody knows the future... =P

New Templates, New Almost Everything!!

2010-04-03T01:27:00.003+08:00

I'm starting back my "dusty" blog... hahaha... "renovated" wif new simple black&white template... now i'm done wif the driving course, i'm a full pledged saf driver... i hv 2 driving licenses nw... hahaha... kinda like an overkill huh...

wif this new-almost-everything blog, i've decided to make it into what's major happening in the Kpop scene, and also something and somewhat like whats the Kpop charts in my NS camp...and just to amuse myself, i'll report anything about my 5 Kpop princesses: Han Seung Yeon(KARA), Tiffany(SNSD), CL (2NE1), Jiyeon & Eunjung(T-ara)... I tink my blog is gonna be mostly abt kpop...

Ok.. i guess if i dun hv anyting much to say or write abt, i'll probably put in some recordings which i done by myself either thru my MP3 or IPhone...
*Disclaimer Beware: My voice stinks, but pls do comment, so dat i can better myself*

I don't know why but i hv this strange obsession of auditioning for any Kpop company, thus the desire to sing and dance...

So now the 1st ever KPOP Charts in my NS Camp:
5)T-ara - Bo Peep Bo Peep-> Vid Link
4)Kara - Mister-> Vid Link
3)Super Junior - Sorry Sorry-> Vid Link
2)Kara - Lupin-> Vid Link
1)SNSD - Gee-> Vid Link

PS: Due to the sinking of a naval ship in Korea, most of the variety shows and music charts had been cancelled or postponed..

2009-12-06T16:48:00.003+08:00

dis morning, i picked up the weekend papers from the frnt door as per usual, but something caught my eyes to the malay papers which i rarely had any interest with...
at the frnt page, they featured abt the trend of toddlers getting killed... and its a worrying trend... esp since most of the stories is frm the malay community... and i understand as to why Dr Yaacob Ibrahim is sadden, ashamed and angry... looking at hw the malay community had became where

pride, violence, lust and greed rule...

back on the aboved mentioned "trend", i still rmb reading an article from the new paper where a toddler was killed bcos of broken cigarettes... apparently, the toddler found his stepdad's box of cigarettes and decidedly to play with it... being toddlers, they obviously didn't noe the difference between a toy and a gun... but sumhw, the stepdad got furious over the toddler breaking his cigarettes and start abusing the toddlers till the toddler died...

a very young life was gone for a box of cigarettes costing at probably arnd $12..

the other day, i was on my way home frm going out, and at commenwealth mrt, down below i saw a kid not more than 7 yrs of age.. half of his hair is dyed blonde... is his parents trying to let him be a mat rep by the time he is primary school?

sometimes,i admit i am ashamed of my own race...

"FOR EVERY RAGE & VIOLENCE THEY SEEK, GUILT & REGRET IS WHAT GET IN THE END"

2009-11-26T19:31:00.002+08:00

woah... a very long time since i blogged... quite some eventful things had happened since den... i'm posted to Jurong Camp II aka ITI... well, to make things short, these is wat happened dis week, my non-camera phone broke, nvr got the chance to drive, took leave but was kinda wasted bcos nvr did anyting fruitful... my bdae was spent on sitting at home bcos mom says so... so dats basiccally happened to me dis week... ouh ya, i got poured wif water by my master sergeant for slping... hahaha...

THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. I APPRECIATED IT VERY MUCH...

2009-05-21T12:31:00.002+08:00

ever heard of scientology? some hollywood celebrities are in it... the most famous one is Tom Cruise... issit a religion or issit a cult? i for one call it a cult... cos for one to call a religion, one shld be praying to a god or gods... so wat god does scientology prayed to? hmm... and the cult is based on a novel, not on a holy book... and wat kind of religion would uphold freedom laws...paranoid of the media... spying the media... getting gritty details of a critic's past to go against the critic... i had watched the bbc video covering scientology, and i could see their paranoia... where interviews are interupted, their own camera crews to film wat they were doing, a spokesperson who seems to hv links with CIA or FBI to get the bad pasts of someone... storming out of an interview and etc... so if ppl is reading dis, u be the judge...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuJlZ_f1594&feature=related - part 1 of BBC's programme called panorama, doing abt scientology

2009-05-20T20:04:00.003+08:00

i just read back my old posts... lots of times where i would say i didn't hv the time... i miss being in school... its gonna be 2 years b4 i'll be back being in one... by the time i finished my NS, most ppl i know will be inside while the girls will either still skooling or hv gone werking...

i dunno why but its like the 2 bands dat influenced me to listen to rock is back... 1st Blink 182 is back and doing their studio album and soon a world tour... den i just got to know... Limp Bizkit is back too... and wif Wes Borland in the band! i hope both could come down to SG... separately tho...Blink 182 inspired me thru my secondary skool times... while Limp Bizkit is my first rock band i've listened to... and also learnt cussing frm them as well... hahaha...

2009-05-16T14:08:00.002+08:00

one group makes me feel unwelcomed and invisible while the other group just makes me feel like a servant and a dork...

i dunno wat i did wrong... seriously... my dr frens are making me unwelcome... my band frens makes me feel like they're just using me... sumtimes i just wonder if i am living with the phrase, "with frends like dis, who needs enemies"... i tink i do... its ok if u dun wanna invite me to go out wif u ppl, but pls dun rub it in till u hv to talk abt it almost every 5 minutes... it just makes me so left out...and pls dun comment on wat i want to eat and wat i dun wanna eat... i dun comment on wat u r eating, so pls dun comment on mine... wats so wrong abt me not eating veggies... does it say in the holy quran dat it is a must to eat veggies? i noe veggies are healthy, but i eat fruits as a substitute for not eating veggies... at the very least i tried to eat some veggies... and i hv made a rule of no bean sprouts! and when i said no, i mean no! "Ooooh, bean sprouts are good..", "bean sprouts are nice,"... try eating it when it is left there for half a day, see if that bean sprouts makes u feel good... and while i'm eating, i tot of my band frens whom some i noe are like me, non-veggies eaters... i felt good noeing at least there's ppl alike...

one group makes me feel unwelcomed and invisible while the other group just makes me feel like a servant and a dork...

ok, i admit, i am the official crew, but i am one man... i was promised of free gigs and a free meal... the 1st was kinda true except for one time where i hv to pay for myself (i was promised to be paid back but i didn't get any)... the free meal, i onli got it once but like its onli dessert not a full meal... and i did my job as a crew to get the equipment in check, and i did dat once by restringing, i paid the strings by myself, and i nvr had gotten back any money back... i was treated like a pack mule, getting laugh at bcos i was concern dat i would get the wrong side of the law, wats wrong wif being scared of dat... i was playing it safe... like its cool to go against the authority... den i gratefully say being cool is kinda stupid... and if i had my lazy way, i shldn't even restring the damn thing... no "thank you"s, no appreciation at all...

if any of the ppl reading, feel like i was talking abt them, so be it.. i dun care...

like the phrase:

"WITH FRIENDS LIKE THIS, WHO NEEDS ENEMIES"

for those who owes me money, be wary, i'm hunting you...

2009-04-19T12:07:00.002+08:00

i just don't understand my current crop of friends whom i hang out with... they're obsessed of keeping fit and staying slim... i dun mind about the keeping fit as its important for a healthy lifestyle... but staying slim and kinda commented harshly about me and the others about being overweight... i mean i can take criticism but they way they said it like they're somewat like the bulimic girls all over the world.... "Oh, dats fattening seh", "Aiyo, too oily!", "Don't eat that, its not good for you, too much MSG, too much salt..." Don't drink that got too much sugar,"... i mean i miss the fun where there's no such barriers of wat can u eat and wat can't u eat... and they had been dissing abt me not eating my vegs... and i will not eat any vegs even if it is at knifepoint or gunpoint... well unless its for survival... i mean there's always other alternatives to get wat the vitamins and minerals that the veggies can offer... i mean there's always fruits... i can eat fruits the whole day i don't mind... the other day, we've had this walk from woodlands to sembawang park... its quite far... the furthest i've walked so far... but decided not to complain as i wanna experience it for myself... but i got myself walking awkwardly yesterday as i just become a tech guy/ sound man/ roadie for my fren's band... and believe me, try walking for almost 6 hours ytd, sleep, den after breakfast,go out to my frens house, walked from jurong west stadia to the flats near xingnan primary... den proceeded to arts house, carrying my fren's guitar pedal board which is nearly as heavy as a 10kg bag... after the gig, we walked from arts house to bras basah centre, again carrying my fren's pedalboard... goin home, i walked from my fren's house to my house... lucky i wore my football shorts, if not i'll by hving a major thigh rash...

2009-03-17T00:14:00.002+08:00

I tried to be the one that everybody loved...
Where has that gotten me?

- "Family Traditions" by Senses Fail.

This 2 lines, sumwhat describes me...
where have all my frens gone?
where are the hangouts we planned?

Last Thursday, me and the gang went to Suntec for IT Show 2009... i had to check out laptops as ibu wanna buy a new one... hehehe... gotten lots of brochures and such... each company promising things from bags to ungrades... so ibu set a guideline like wat is her budget and wat type of payment is available... so i went again to suntec on Friday, to ask some questions ah... and the very next night, new laptop!!! oh yeah... hahaha... dats the gd part, the bad part is dat i hv become somewhat like a tech guy in the family... ibu want to set the old laptop to factory settings... and dad kinda pester me to put a password on the PC... hahaha...

anyways, after the IT fair with the gang on thursday, went simpang bedok for dinner... dinner at midnight ahahaa... ate nasi pattaya... fuyoh! very the delicious dat i... tried to eat wif lettuce(i tink) without skipping a beat.. ok i kinda lied... i almost threw up once... and dats it... hahaha...
and after dat jamming near tasya's void deck... hahaha... i sounded kinda drunk...

anyway, i've been slping arnd 2am nowdays... and 2dae, ibu kinda gave me an idea of a part time job... a newspaper delivery guy... early morning driving! hahaha... gotta ask ayah abt dat...

2009-02-16T20:15:00.002+08:00

with bloodshot eyes, i stared down, down this dark alleyway
a tell tale sign that i needed help immediately
no one, and i mean no one knew wat i am feeling rite now
the pressure is getting to me
i hate the ignoring
i crave for attention more than ever
i wonder why, and i keep wondering
not been sleeping properly
not been eating properly either
am i depressed? or worst, am i suicidal?
no one knows cos no one asks
nobody, not even me, know who i am
i can be the best and the worst that anybody could ever met...
met someone new
an interesting person i can say
but i am as of now invisible
yes, dats the best werd to describe things now
invisible
ppl can't see me
they nvr did talk to me
they nvr acknowledge that i'm there
like i say, i am invisible
sumtimes i felt like i'm being used
i guess that's hw its been since secondary
i am still the stupid fool
the lazy bum
the idiotic, crazy fella
the boring one...

2009-01-29T00:01:00.003+08:00

i tink i'm getting sick of waiting for her.. even when she is circling arnd my mind all the time... but it's more like anger than love... sumtimes reading her entries just makes me so... oh well... when people just can't get the idea of time management and think they're oh-so mature...
i just don't get it... why the complaints and the whining? if you jolly well know how suffering is, this is just sumting small, yet you make it like its gonna be the death of you... which is just too exaggerating...

JUST REMEMBER THAT U R NOT THE ONLI ONE FACING SUCH THINGS... THERE'S STILL MILLIONS WHO SUFFERED OR GONNA SUFFER THE SAME FATE OR WORST FATE THAN URS...

2009-01-24T11:24:00.003+08:00

i guess this is my new lifestyle... i m trying to keep fit... for better or for worst... hv not been eating properly... hv jogged wif my frens for 2 days dis week... i m still unfit tho... but i m trying... i'm happy...

the other day, accompany asri go to his car servicing at leng kee... and had breakfast/lunch at brickworks... Sorry yea AK n Sabby, can't meet up with u gals, had ordered food alrdy n had plans wen u contact me... so we walked arnd queensway area to pass time... it was fun... we shld do dis more often guys...

my mind is uncertain... LJS is still in my mind... everyday it doesn't fail for me to keep waiting and thinking of u... but u hv responsibilities now... and at the current time, u r emotionally and physically tired frm everyday life... i certainly wish to be by ur side always... be there when u need someone to listen to how ur day is or needed some kind of help that i could offer...

2009-01-14T19:49:00.002+08:00

laziness had overwhelm me totally... thus the no updates... hahaha... a few things had happened tho... my cousin, Saiful, got engaged... i lost 5 kilos over the hols... had this crush on the girl who works at the counter at JP Banquet Hotplate stall... hehehe... LJS is totally on my mind tho... everyday almost all the time...

last friday, is my close fren, AK, bdae... tho its almost a week to write this in the blog... HAPPY BIRTHDAY AK!! that day is probably one of my most tired day, i onli spent 2 hours at home... early in the morning, sent dad to work den got home, eat breakfast and get ready to skool... 1 hour is spent at home... den after skool, accompany asri pick up his Subaru at Jln Tukang and den went to JP for lunch and walked around JP... den i head home... reached home arnd 430... slept for a little while... called on mum whether she wants me to pick her up... she doesn't want to... so i pick up AK and Sabby at their attachment place at Leng Kee... Traffic jams thru out the road to Leng Kee... sori k gals for the delay... sent them to mcd at Bukit batok mrt.. while i hv some errands to be done for mum... after dat, i had my dinner with the gals.. including julia and linda... had a ton of laughs...

2dae, i sumwat like got into a serious talk with someone... hw could u just call me up and just ask me to come along and sign sumting? wat makes u tink i am dat willing to happily sign some documents? wat makes u tink dat it is dat easy for someone to sign dat document? dun get me wrong, i would be happy to sign it but onli on certain rules and conditions... do u noe dat if i were to sign dat documents and sumting were to happen, who's name do u tink will come up? will it b u who will bear the consequences?

i doubt so....

2008-12-29T23:25:00.002+08:00

should i even care? that's a thought that i've been hving today...

should i care that i dun hv any frens to talk to the whole day?
should i care that i've days like this not just today?
should i care that my loneliness is killing me by the minute?

a part of me says i shld be prepared for days like this..
not to be a bother to ppl's life

a part of me is crying...
crying for my pathetic life of loneliness
crying for not hving much frens
crying for being a pathetic and useless fren

2008-12-28T21:01:00.002+08:00

200+ people dead on the gaza strip frm an israeli missile... no remorse, heck, they'll continue if they need to... where's the people to condemn such attacks? where's the front page news? it only gets a small segment in the newspaper... issit ok to hv such attacks on the gaza strip? it just so happens the missile hits near a hospital and maybe a school... if the palestinians were to attack back, they'll be condemning it from a to z... where's the justice in that?

truthfully, i'm bored this holidays... no one that i can go out with, nor no one wanna ask me out... so truthfully, i am bored... bored frm staying at home, and get myself fatter by the minute... bored frm doing the same things almost everyday... i feel like my frens are slowly abandoning me...

2008-12-26T16:33:00.002+08:00

the weather ytd was cloudy and windy... one of my fave kind of weather... but i can't enjoy it that much... ppl are in mourning, sadden by the news dat i received the other night... met up with AK and Faris at BB MRT at arnd 930... i was late... saw nasri ee, farhan and fathin were there too... the moment i saw sabby coming over wen we arrived, i kinda felt a rush, i hope its not too obvious tho.. also we're a tad too late for the solat jenazah and the kenduri... so we waited for her outside her house... once the doa selamat was over, she came out, talking to us, smiling... i m so glad to see and hear u... so after lunch, we talked again, telling stories of those of us who had lost someone so close... i nearly cried telling them where my late grandmother died and hw... i guess i just can't talk abt my late grandmother... we said our goodbyes and went home at arnd 5+...

and during all this i had this very intention of just hugging her... but i decided not to... dun ask me why...

dis song kept playing on my hp the whole day... my new theme song for the new year...
dedicated to u _ a _ _ _...

2008-12-23T10:35:00.003+08:00

its been almost 2 weeks since i've return frm kl... and so far i've only gone out of the house onli twice... sometimes i wonder where do i stand with my frens... i know i got no best fren, onli good frens... i am dying to go out of the house and hv fun... but all i've done is eat, slp late, chat, surf the net, watch tv and play games... haiz... i guess i am supposed to end up like this for all of the hols i hv... i am not bother ppl to go out wif me no more... i'm gonna go out wif myself more....

BORN ALONE, LIVE ALONE, DIE ALONE...

i am worried and concern for you, my friend... we, your friends, will always be there for you if you ever need us...

2008-12-12T11:24:00.003+08:00

whoo... new layout... hahaha... decided to change after hving some problem viewing my own blog...

i'll be going to KL tonight so i dunno if i am able to update the blog over there... well, AK is going to KL too but she'll be going on saturday... I tink Sabby will be lonely here in SG unless....

someone said ytd dat promises are meant to be broken... i beg to differ... i am the kind dat would keep his promise... and i hv kept a lot of promises i've made with some ppl...

i hv this deep feeling of telling someone abt hw i felt... call it hving no guts but i am a sensitive and shy guy... and also i can bet the person i'm hving feelings with, will shot me down... she sees me as just a good fren...

i guess i shld just tell it in dis blog... maybe soon...

2008-12-10T16:41:00.003+08:00

ytd was probably the best day i've had since i dunno... since ever? first, no mcs class as its for a those who hv yet to do their tests, den after dat got the news that afternoon class had been canceled as the mr tan had to go to a briefing at balestier at 2... so me, fazli, shikin and asri went to IMM for lunch... walked arnd after that... as usual on tuesday, had street soccer with asri's frens at a basketball court... i dunno how, but i was on form ytd nite and scored 4 magnificent goals!! 1st is a chip to the furthest top left of the basketball court bar, second a cheeky chip from a throw in corner.. third is a lay out shot while the fourth is a tap in... there're alot of chances for me to score further but i am happy ytd as sumhow, i was running and sprinting all over the court... for almost 2 and half hours!! HAHAHA...

its been almost a week since i've last saw AK and sabby... i understand that they've phase test, theory tests due to them hving attachments after hols... i hv chatted with AK and i've msged sabby a few times(even if she didn't reply back to me)... but its not the same as meeting up, talking over stuff, hving lunch/dinner together with Azy or going somewhere... wat i mean is talking physically not technologcally.... i can say i hv somewhat tried to plan to go out with u gals but its all in vain... oh well, u gals hv ur own lives to cater for... and i won't be much of a bother even if i am so missing u gals alot...

i am starting to hv a love hate relationship with a song... i love how the song connects to me abt LJS and i hate the song how it reminds me of how i am with LJS...btw, i love reading LJS blog but sometimes it just left me with heartaches and hatred... sometimes, the song"Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek" by Chiodos sums up wat i shld do... its not the song i mentioned aboved btw..

2 more days to KL trip... hv yet to pack things up... ARGH!! dunno wat bag i shld use!!

which is more painful?

a girl who got heartbroken by a guy bcos he cheated on her

a guy who got heartbroken by a girl bcos she doesn't acknowledge him at all?

2008-12-08T21:17:00.002+08:00

Selamat Hari Raya Haji to all Muslims around the world...

my weekend, isn't that bad nor issit dat gd either... literally did nothing, well except play games, eat, drink, practise my guitar, pray, eat again... well i tink i gain a few kilos... but with my holiday plans full of exercising.. i'll be shedding those off in a few days i hope...

since i'm done with SC, getting back into a band is on my mind... maybe forming a new band with a female vox... maybe playing songs from bands like mayday parade, saosin, or paramore... but finding members is hard... realli hard...

it'll be less than 6 days b4 i'm off to KL...

GOOD LUCK TO ALL WHO'LL BE HVING ATTACHMENTS!!

I'M MISSING YOU, SABBY & AK, ALREADY!!

2008-12-01T22:23:00.002+08:00

ouhk... i guess i've been lazy and busy to update dis damned blog of mine... hahaha... well i've been quite bz with investiture for the past few weeks... ya ya... excuses excuses... hahaha...

well, investiture is emotional, dramatic, and memorable event... the outgoing excos looked magnificent... most of us cried wen handing over the badges... i guess its the music chosen by the much loved Sabrina... thanks la eh for the choice of music... me and ak had to manned the laptops, but due to some technical error frm sabri's laptop, we kinda panicked... after that the whole event teary and serious... well except when AMK doing their skit... it was damn funny la...
well after that everybody kinda let hell broke lose... pictures was snapped... gdbyes, congratulations and see you arounds were heard all around hq... tears were rolling... some people was laughing around and away... since the food had finished, people start to stroll out of hq... some go home with memories, some with new found frens, some with relieve and some with new responsibilities...

for me, its much memorable cos dat nite mite be the last nite dat i can b another sc member... another exco to a fantastic team of people... be it bad or good things happened or being said... let it be forgotten and forgiven... i've had no regrets joining dis dover exco or my batch of bb exco... frens far and wide i hv found... experience none or some of my frens could hv ever experienced...

as the investiture had finished, i saw 3 different batch of sc with different experiences and memories... my bb batch of 05-06, Fahmi, was there kinda representing SPSU... someone who had lots of experience frm p.a to being a temporary president when 3/4 of the exco had attachments... my bb jnrs... Ros, Liyana, Van and Teck Wee... also present as invited guests to bbsc.. i bet they too hv different experiences in their own excos... and then there's me, the bbsc batch of 05-06 exco and scdr batch of 07-08 exco, frm doing the whole exco work with just 3 ppl in bb to doing an event, a gig to be exact, called PAY ATTENTION STAY AWAKE! in dover..

2008-11-22T15:44:00.002+08:00

WHAT IS YOUR DEEPEST FEAR?

some might say ghost, heights, death and even water. In the movie "Coach Carter", Coach Carter asks a player, Timo Cruz, what is his deepest fear. he didn't answer the question.

nearing the end of the movie,he did answer the question, when everybody else had forgotten.
He stood up and he said:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

2008-11-10T23:01:00.003+08:00

wokays... i got my ankle sprained... damn moshers... oh well, at least i got to see one of my fave band, As I Lay Dying perform... damn nice la... almost got myself into the mosh pit, but no thanks, as i am carrying my bag as well as my fren's... before that i had a very long chat with someone till late morning... and woke up late for investiture training... but found it great as dad allow me to drive alone... so after training and meeting, i sent AK and Sabby to the Cathay and den sent Ter, Ryzal n Faris to IMM... got quite lost after sending AK and Sabby... and almost did something dat could be disastrous along the way... stupid me seh... and i finally understand Dad's feelings when he says he's tired from driving... got home arnd 12+am...

2dae, went to skool despite dad's orders not to... got my jacket drenched... and got to class late... and found out its a catching up lab lesson... so played games till 10... den head to SC rm, got to know of the top 7's positions and stayed there till around 5pm.. and accompany syamil to JP to buy something, which he didn't able to bcos of some factors... den after dinner, accompany asri to JP for his dinner... yet again... hahaha...

i tink i shld realli forget abt my feelings for LJS... its like its not worth all the pain... this song being played now- About A Girl by The Academy Is...- is for you... and for me too as a reminder that i shld let you go from my heart...

The Academy Is... - About A Girl lyrics
One song about a girl
I can't breathe when I'm around her
I'll wait here everyday
In case she'll scratch the surface
She'll never notice

I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
Last night 
I knew what to say
But you weren't there to hear it
These lines so well rehearsed
Tongue tied and overloaded
You never notice
I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone wants
To be loved, to be loved
What more could you ask for
To be loved, to be loved
Everyone...
I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
I'm not in love
This is not my heart
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl
I'm not in love
This is not your song
I'm not gonna waste these words
About a girl


Lyrics  The Academy Is... - About A Girl lyrics

2008-11-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

what a week it had been... onli done less than 5 hours of lesson... monday(2 1/2 hrs) and today (1 1/2 hrs)... ok, i'm sick on wednesday and abit sick on thursday... vomitting and diarrhea... my mum is also sick... since puasa she claims to the doc on wednesday nite... SC East Investiture is magnificent or so to say... other than the incoming president forgetting the SC pledge, everything went quite smoothly... well, i dun wanna say anyting much abt the nite... 2dae, had lunch with AK, Sabby & Ter at spagetti too at IMM... 1st time see Azy werk... 2morow... As I Lay Dying!!

"Remove from me, This deception, That I Called Love, That I Called Love!!"

- As I Lay Dying "Through Struggle"

ITS VERY HARD FOR ME TO LET YOU GO BUT ITS EVEN HARDER TO SEE YOU WITH SOMEONE ELSE

2008-11-03T21:35:00.002+08:00

its been quite a while since i've hang out with M.A.S.H, finally got the chance to last saturday... met ak, sabby, linda n am at zam zam... had my late lunch there with them... n den wait for azy... we wait for him like so long, until the mamak there give us receipt for our food... cross the street take half an hour ah... after azy had his meal, we went to esplanade, watch a dance performance... then went home... had fun poking azy... hahaha... sunday was quite a bore, nothing to do dat is until at nite... chat and do some stuff for sc... while today, went to T3 for lunch... i drove... after 1 week of no driving... i finally drove... got reached 120km/h... i know no big whoop... but its my first.. den we went to tampines mall/century square... got miz29 at century square which i dunno seh... niwaes, i tink i'm gonna follow asri go skateboarding.. share with his board, learn the tricks... nice rite...

2008-10-29T21:20:00.002+08:00

The rules and regulations:

1. Each player of this game starts off with 10 weirdthings/habits/little known facts about yourself.

2. People who get tagged need to write a blog oftheir own 10 weird things/habits/little knownfacts as well as state this rule clearly.

3. At the end, you need to choose 10 peopleto be tagged and list their names.

4. No tags back !

>-<>-<

[1] I was suspected of hving diabetes, its been cleared.

[2] I tend to bite my fingernails when i am bored/hungry/thinking.

[3] Am extremely shy when come to gerls i have a crush with.

[4] Likes to talk back (malay: loyar buruk)

[5] used to hv a fetish on girls who have braces

[6] Watch my first porn at the age of 5(accidentally).

[7] Likes spicy food till I perspire like hell.

[8] Have a habit of ending my pm or sms with a "...".

[9] Lifetime fan of Aston Villa FC.

[10] Tend to have a crush on girls who remind me of my mum.

>-<>-<

You've been tagged:

1) Faizah

2) Fauziah

3) Fazli EC2S

4) Sakinah

5) Rasyid (ITE BB)

6) Fazli SC

7) Wee Kiat

>-<>-<

My god, i can't believe i don't have enuf frens to sent dis tag to seh... =(

2008-10-27T20:38:00.003+08:00

long weekends... i tink i shall not fret abt such days anymore... its probably bcos i had quite much fun going out with my close cuzzin, ija, at jb... watching hsm3... tix at RM11... hsm edition popcorn n cup at RM10... hmm... cheap eh...

lately, i've been goin out late till i neglect my guitars... bcos of that i hv a...
NEWS BULLETIN: i am out of my original band...
its probably a good thing for me since i hv some time to clear my head and have some pressure off of me...

aboved i hv mention that i went and see HSM3 at jb... well.. in the middle of it, i got quite upset... imagine you went to a cubicle to pee... then the cubicle beside you began to bang on the sides... then imagine hearing two people inside the banging cubicle... with one of them kinda moaning... hmm... sex in the cubicle... ok.... i dun mind abt it... as you began to pee.. it generated some noises... the "couple" beside began to panic... at first they "sprinkle" at me with some water... then they splashed me with a waterfall... DAMN FUCKERS!! YOU MAKE MY POLO TEE WET!!
oh well... at least i enjoy the movie with a nice cup of Ashley to bring home...

also over the weekend, my mind can't stop thinking of LJS... when watching the movie, i kinda imagine LJS and me... oh kay... better get a move on... hahaha...

2008-10-24T21:02:00.002+08:00

hv you read abt the past few weeks about serangoon gardens residents get upset that their gonna be neighbours to foreign workers who needs to get settled in?

besides them being human beings, you can't expect them to stay outside in the streets... which makes it even more dangerous... i admit that's a bad and shameful side of Singaporeans... so caught up with their lavish lifestyle to even think of those who built the very flat/apartment you're living... if the person(s) who tinks that they're a menace probably didn't think of humility as he/she only tink about the price of their apartment(s)... the very apartment(s) which is built by the foreign workers... i don't even see any singaporeans who even wanna work as a construction worker or labour-intensive jobs... other than being unappreciated, they got "shooed" by the very people who is living on the very project they have to do as a job...

also, how come jurong residents ain't complaining? i mean i saw groups of foreign workers, especially on weekends, on patches of land around boon lay/jurong east interchange hving their chats, hanging out and eating/drinking... don't we hv to worry about our apartment price? don't we have to worry abt the safety of the females? we have to also what...

in fact during hari raya prayers at assyakirin mosque, which is quite popular for muslim foreign workers, i saw some of these foreign workers hv tags which serves them as volunteers for the mosque, so if a mosque can work hand in hand with foreign workers and also if Jurong residents can live with foreign workers, i can't see and hear a reason why Serangoon Gardens residents hv to get so worked up over the issue... like i said before, i sad fact for Singaporeans is that they got so worked up with their lavish and high maintenance lifestyle to even give a thought of those who have a lower class than them... my apologies if i labeled it as a class...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today's lesson was kinda ok, came late to class as usual... went thru a bit of WCS chapter 2 in the morning... den went for mr muhd class... c prog... alamak... so the troublesome, but i guess i did learn about flowchart and pseudo labeling... den had 1st lunch with M.A.S.H.... been sometime since we did such a thing... please, can i hv more of it!! niwaes, we talked about our pasts... yeah, dirty little secrets of our younger kental days...

haiz... brings back my awful tortured upper sec days... and also the building that gone torn down for a another new building... at least i have memories of it... of how the building looks like...what me and my clique did... where we hv our st soccer at the cage... where we hang out to wait for the recess bell to ring... haiz... old fond memories... old frens who i hv nvr contact anymore... haiz...

2008-10-21T21:54:00.002+08:00

i guess i rushed my feelings and decision too fast...
please forgive me LJS...
i shld've known better...
please forgive me...
please...

2008-10-21T14:43:00.002+08:00

its been a while since i've updated... investiture training, bdae & farewell party, went out with frens, raya all over the one weekend... now am in class updating while listening to teacher...

saturday: start the day off accidently driving to dover instead of bukit batok.. met up with the rest and proceed with the invest training till 1... had a short investiture meeting after that... after which had a surprise farewell & bdae party for faris and rasyid... we then had KFC lunch and went to SCBB 'newbie' ibrahim open haus with Ter, Rasyid, Sabby, AK & Ryzal... got home alone at 10+pm...

sunday: went raya with the SC peeps... met up at Salha's haus... sorry k to sabby's love, i dun mean to wear the same colour as her, its the only one that i hv as a set... niwae, went on to sabby, syahirul, AK & my house... by the time reach my house everybody was already too tired... drove AK, Faris, Azrun n Sabby home... it is such a nice drive home alone...

parking time: 5-10 minutes

Monday: all i can remember ytd was i had a chat with my parents about relationships during dinner and went out driving to west coast park with syamil... supposed to wait for azrun but he was already too late for us... gotten emo when i found out something b4 dinner but my parents did cheer me up with their advices... i am starting to love driving...

parking time: 10-15minutes!

LJS, my feelings for u is just a past for me now... wasted feelings is a norm for me... so u r just another girl to me.. another friend and nothing else... isn't that what you wanted in the 1st place... so hv fun with the guy are with now... for i dun care much abt you anymore... LJS, i dun miss you no more... thnks to all for listening to me abt her, i hope i dun waste ur time talking abt her...

2008-10-16T07:22:00.002+08:00

Yesterday ec wireless outing was quite a blast except the fact that we have to delay the outing due to transport issues and something else due to someone... aboved pic was when the guy in white with the songkok got drunk and the girl dropped her contacts and me getting into a gay moment... hahaha... just joking... we had such a nice time that we've gone crazy... in the white SO-BARU car, we do some disco and some gay dancing... had my fair share of driving... and yes, i am some sort of a safety driver, dats y my driving quite slow... but still safety do come first... hmm... i do receive one comment frm my frens saying dat they've never seen me eating twice at the same seating... who don't blame you guys, i've long to hang out with you all onli that time doesn't allow me to... i was quite the butt of the jokes for sometime as my frens kept commenting each time i was near one of the girls... guys please... i am not "the God Of Chicks"! and due to the delay at Salha's house, they got to know who i liked in school... thnks la eh Salha...

i don't miss you LJS... i tink i don't miss you... i am in denial actually when i thought about that... i do miss you but there's some circumstances that makes me say i don't miss you or like you... if i hv an advise for you rite now, i would gladly say, "slow down and take a moment to smell the roses.... if you keep on living fast, you'll never know what is just in front of you"... i guess i am doing and feeling too much for you...

2008-10-14T23:09:00.002+08:00

MISSING

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BEAR AROUND?

the pic was taken on the 1st saturday of raya... long time nvr eat A&W, and i mean very long... since i was young like 7 maybe...

well, school just started yesterday and my life just begun to be busy... thank you Sabita for listing that i do have a life...

Student Council:

Planning to go raya this coming Sunday; Investiture training; Exco meeting; GM

Band:

New stuff, new originals, new member, new genre, everything is new to keep it short...

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

2008-10-11T22:54:00.007+08:00

Sometimes i do wonder, if i always make my feelings go to waste for someone.. and i always wonder, why do i always have to go through this heart ache every now and then... heart ache to see ur crush goin out with someone, heart ache to know that ur crush don't even know you, heart ache to kinda know you don't matter to ur crush...

well, i went to camp for 2days on friday.. it was kinda fun... though by nite time, i m alrdy drained out frm the laughter, physical activities and shouting frm the activities... supposed to watch enchanted with AK, Sabita and Azy but i slept thruout the movie until the end of it... after which, i just can't sleep... had a quite an emotional time when the juniors when they did their own post-camp event... my heart sank and i almost cried when seeing syahirul and nasri ee cried... thanks guys for the message in the bottle... i'll treasure it always...

"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle..." - Abraham Lincoln

2008-10-08T14:19:00.002+08:00

almost everybody is in panic because of the "financial crisis"... the headlines in the news is always about this financial crisis and that bankruptcy and how the US govt decided to "save" the banks with a US$700 million bailout plan... US$700 MILLION... i noe the govt get all those money from the world bank or some other bank in another country... but here's the point i'm trying to prove... if the US govt could just give US$700 million to save banks...
why can't they use the money to get rid of poverty plaguing their country?
why can't they use the money to help the victims of Katrina and other natural disasters?
if the reason is bcos of their people, den does those whom i mentioned above their people too?
i apologise if i'm talking politics... i know politics makes people think life is complicated, which is wat it is...

today had my NS medical checkup, set the date together with Azy... i very the malu seh, cos i like very kancheong at the security check like 1st timer... very empty seh CMPB in the morning... so empty that there's a delay when hving the medical checkup with the medic...
hving to do the chkup the 2nd time have its benefits like i dun need to do photo taking and do the MCQs no more... too bad Azy had to do it... and it also left me being drenched in perspiration outside waiting for him... followed him for awhile afterwards... den went straight home...

gd news? my band life is going to start back again... i hope it'll be different with this whole new band stuff... haiz... i am wondering all the way now... will i hv time for my frens, be it chilling with MASH or riding/driving with "Arse, Faz n Yom"? Will i get to see LJS when she went off somewhere right after this year?

And you never, ever let me in.

2008-10-07T22:23:00.003+08:00

its been quite a long time since i updated...
a rollercoaster ride of emotions again...
i'm missing alot of people...
frm frens to that certain someone...

i decided to tell someone close the truth ytd nite...
and it felt great to let it out...
i know that she won't see me as someone else...
but i know she'll always be my close friend...

i miss that certain someone...
but i doubt she does also... she might say so..
but does she realli mean it?
i dunno... just got to know
she misses someone else...
well, i am just a fren to her...
will i ever be someone else to her?
i can do wat ur fren had done b4
but i decided not to...

2008-10-01T14:04:00.002+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA TO ALL MUSLIMS AROUND THE WORLD!!!

hmmm... frankly, i have no mood to go raya this year... i just dunno why... all i can give as a reason is, everything went by so fast that i couldn't cope with the changing times... ytd, had an exco meeting at SC rm... few excos came, jon, salha, sabri, sabita, ak, azy, wen yong and wei quan... but its a very long meeting... from 1130 - arnd 3 pm... whew... my ass is so numb... discussed about invest and camp... and a few misc matters... after that had a talk with Jon, AK & Sabita at the foyer... a nice chat... went back with AK and Sabita, had a walk-n-talk session with them..

the topic which plays in our minds during the session makes me kinda sad and worried...
what are we gonna do once we step down from council in a months time?
do we even have lives to tend to after stepping down?
do we still keep in contact?
where we'll be after grad? - well, i noe where i'll be heading after grad... the dreaded NS...

I even had a few questions asking myself...
with 2 people i am so close with, is going attachment in Jan,will i still be motivated to come to school?
with my dad letting me use the car in Jan, what and how am i gonna use it?

i thought of something but i dun wanna voice out.. as its difficult for me to say about it...

2008-09-26T21:33:00.002+08:00

Hari Raya is just round the corner, and finally all the kerje amal have been done and over with... and finally, after almost 2 years of not going, i've stepped foot on Geylang... and so many things have changed... There ain't got no shops selling the tshirts i used to buy, its all the mats fashion nowadays... Cars were being sold almost everywhere... the baju kurung all seemed to be looking rather similar when passing by each individual stall...

followed AK buy sampul duit... den sent a new fren from the east, hisyam home... walked around den off to home and swensens...

taking train... otw, can't help to think what you're doing and how are you doing 2dae... oh well, i guess i shldn't tink too much... u mite be just another girl whom i liked and admired, somewhat like all the previous crushes and gals i admired b4 u... in the end, it could all became nothing but another point of hurtful past... but i dun wish to be dat way... i wish i could finally get the gal i've wanted for quite some time...

Sorry AK if i like surprised you with my emotions 2dae... can't help it la...

HAPPY 47TH BIRTHDAY DAD!!

HOPE I DIDN'T DISSAPOINT YOU DIS YEAR!

2008-09-24T11:36:00.003+08:00

I dunno why the song... woke up, switch on my laptop and went to youtube... typed in "too phat" and instantly clicked on "If I die tonight"... go and read up the lyrics... gotten a bit emotional when the last verse kicked in... reminds me of a close fren, who got killed in an accident back when i was still madrasah in Al-Mukminin... Issit 96 or 97 or 98? i can't remember... all i can remember, his death got into the newspapers... for wat reason? I'm not sure either...
R.I.P Asrul Nizam...

speaking of death, Travis Barker is gonna make it from his horrific plane crash... though he will forever be scarred with burns...

Yesterday, went out with AK, Sabby and Azy... went shopping, we guys bought sunglasses, girls bought shoes.. Sabby bought a handbag... i can imagine her looking great with her all white dress, shoes and handbag... After buka at Far East's Cahaya, went to Starbucks near Heeren to discuss some investiture stuff and some internal news... Went home at around 10+... Got some good laughs in the train espescially trying to imulate Azy...

Dear Sabita, please don't worry about my past suspected diabetes as i hv cut down on my sugar intake ever since... Sorry if i make you guys worried and shocked...

2008-09-21T11:17:00.002+08:00

Music... we can't live without it... be it hardcore and screaming music or soothing and relaxing music... music revolves around all of us... it moves us... it sets our moods and personality... lately, i've stopped playing my guitar... i don't know why... maybe because of the fasting... maybe because of me going out till late... maybe because i just got bored trying so hard to play songs and live up to people's expectations... i don't know why... so if my band were to read this... pls don't take it in a bad way, i'll be playing my guitar soon... just need someone to inspire me or advise me how to get back playing my guitar again...

well, i've been out for the whole week... so i'm soooo exhausted... went 3 times to T3 with AK(20), Azy(13), Asri & Romzie(19)... so i'm kinda getting sick of going there, though i don't mind going there with certain people... next week, gonna be another week... hahaha...

2008-09-16T23:17:00.002+08:00

ever since the 1st day puasa, i've been buka luar je seh... even my mum had been nagging at me to go do terawih... first 2 weeks, study period and exams... den the following weeks, going out with frens and hving some events and meetings... haiyo... dis year nye puase so happening seh...

i am such a bad leader seh... can't rely on completely... but i just can't keep blaming myself... some ppl just don't bother to reply my msgs or take my calls... and it's taking its toll on my hp bill la... and bcos of these ppl, i feel so pathetic at times... so fucked up! now, the 26th sept event is gonna be a big fucking disaster... 3 fucking years of SC and i can't fucking do a fucking decent job... i am so fucked up now la...

Thnks to AK for the contacts and for supporting me. Also thanks to Sabita, Azy and Syamil for the support. Realli appreciate it.

now, i need to buy for myself some clothings and a pair of shoes for Raya... anyone wanna follow me?

2008-09-14T10:34:00.002+08:00

wat a saturday ytd, went to eunos cc to do some packing for ROW(Ramadhan On Wheels) by 4PM with AK, Azy, Nasri(s), Syamil and Wani... supposed to end at 530 but ended at arnd 615... so me and azy went to the airport to buka puase... had McD again... after which we snapped quite a lot of pics at T3... most of which i snapped... will post the pics soon i hope... i'll be one bz fella starting on tuesday seh... monday will be hving buka puase with a whole lot of SCDR peeps... meetings on tuesday and wednesday... school project and SIN trip on friday... ROW on saturday... friday buat dosa, satuday buat keje amal... baik eh... hahaha...

read abt the "Large Hadron Collider" in the paper.. wat a waste of money... billions of dollars lost just because these scientists wanna noe something dat could end up being just a wild goose chase... billions of dollars that can be put to good use by ending poverty in africa... i guess the investor or investors for this device must be an idiot or a bunch of idiots with a lot of money to invest on something stupid...

AVENGED SEVENFOLD IS COMING TO SINGAPORE!!!

Date: 24 Oct, 8pm
Venue: Max Pavilion @ Singapore Expo
Ticket Price:
Standard:$95
At The Door: $110
Early Birds Discounts:
16-21 Sept - $75
Limited Student Ticket (After 22nd Sept): $85

anybody wanna go?

2008-09-11T18:40:00.003+08:00

exams are finally over!! kind of bittersweet feeling actually... the "no more exams" feeling are being dampen by fasting... Yesterday, went home at arnd 3pm with syamil and syazwani (double s) but both of them wanna go creative building to buy MP3 for wani's sister bdae... syamil asks me to join with, was reluctant at first though... ended up wani kind of upset with syamil for asking me to tag along... sori k wani, shld've known better... had a haircut... now my hair is as short as the grass... hahaha... but seriously, it is...

2dae decided to go to skool for fun... i got to the sc rm first followed by azrun, sabri and elroy... played guitar with sabri, played the sushi intro-ed by azrun and teach AK some songs and chords... me and sabri are such poor teachers... hahaha.... Sabby did went by the sc rm for a while with her cute white headband (=P)

went home alone taking 198... thinking about a lot of stuff esp her and the ramadhan events lined up... from keje amal to keje "just for the boys onli"... da dpt pahala den dpt dosa also... aduhai...

2008-09-05T19:21:00.002+08:00

"problems, stress and pressure" *verse from Sketch The Faith's Forgotten Predicaments

4 words to sum up what most people whom i know nowadays are feeling..
3 days to D-day..
2 exam modules..
1 me..

will be going to JB tonight! so will be trying to study while being there... will be trying to let go of the internet/msn for 2 nights..

8 Sept: E.Maths 830-1030 Rm2314

10 Sept: Wireless 830-1030 Hall

GD LUCK TO ALL FOR YOUR EXAMS! DO YOUR BEST YEAH!

IF THERE'S EVER GONNA BE SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA CHANGE MY LIFE,

I HOPE ITS GONNA BE YOU

2008-09-03T00:10:00.002+08:00

i almost put up another emo entry but after talking to someone about things, just relaxed me up... so i deleted it, am keeping my hopes up for that someone, i'll prove to you one day, sooner than ever...

its been quite a long time since me and AK realli talked, i miss you so much... ask me wat happened... i am not sure.. its like everyting suddenly changed...

i also missed chatting with syamil in msn...

didn't know that my niece, fauziah, was so popular during sec sch in Shuqun that AK & Sabri noes her too... aiyo... the world so small seh... so now its like a few people in dover that noes/hv a relationship with the big Odit family... AK, Sabri, Izan, Fauziah's BF, Faizal, Safari's bandmates. haiyo! can the list go on... yeah maybe...

2008-09-01T19:05:00.003+08:00

i don't know whether its bcos of the fasting or its just a spur of the moment... but today, i just felt empty... the need for something or someone to feel a gap is much stronger today...

everyday, i just tink of you... but we know, i couldn't be something more... i tink i sound desperate when i am not... but even if someone were to ask me why the desperation, i'll just reply that someone with an empty stare... i need to get my feelings in check... can someone help me with this... i am pathetic and apathetic at the same time...

i need to get away frm the pc and the internet... it had ruined my life somewhat...

i can wait for you, but will you ever change your decision?

2008-08-31T23:44:00.004+08:00

artrock2 had been done and over with... now just worry for exams... i am so not ready for it seh...

saturday's morning kind of a "woozy"... had breakfast earlier than usual with parents... mi rebus... lazat benar... hahaha... then, drove to ITE BB for a while... do some icebreaking games with the whole college west student council... had lunch of chicken rice...

after dat, azy, sabita and me went to arthouse for artrock2... i apologise for this though... a werd to describe artrock2.. plain... no excitement... but dats me... after watching her silent wish, we went to starbucks for a while and den watched blindfold hero before going off to esplanade to meet up with our juniors for a while.. had an "argument" drama between sabby and azy... and i m the "psychiatrist"? wow... hahaha..

had dinner at the usual place, marina square... went home immediately after that... took bus 106.. alight with sabby... WHY YOU LEFT ME WITH TRANSEXUALS IN THE BUSTOP SEH?! hahaha...

tomorrow is the starting of the Ramadhan fasting month... haiyo...

a day to remember, an hour to understand,

what we've done together, we'll remember it as friends

2008-08-27T23:51:00.002+08:00

exams is near...
artrock2 is nearer...
my emotions are getting to me day by day... shld i cherish & love it?
truthfully, i have nvr felt this way before... its undescribable and unknown to me...
maybe bcos of someone or maybe the friends i am always around with...
i dunno what's the reason behind this feeling...
felt like i finally got to know where i belong...
i am happy, i am contented, i dun want dis feeling to ever end...
but knowing life in the hands of God, it'll end someday in someway or another...
tonight, i'll know that the hope i've carried is flourishing...
that alone will makes me smile...
but i won't be so optimistic to take the simplest gesture as something big and extraordinary...
i'll just take it day by day...

poem title: " a good troubled friend"

oh good friend of mine, what is troubling you
we have been there when you need us
and you have been there when we need you
talk to us, confide and don't be upset
smile, laugh and joke, just don't be sad
together, we'll share with you, our tears and our laughter
we love you for who you're, not what you're not
we have our own insecurities and agendas
so i plead to you, oh good friend of mine
tell us what's been troubling you

done by: hilmi

2008-08-26T22:58:00.005+08:00

issit true that absence makes the heart fonder? my answer would be maybe...

but another question should be asked,

why? why are you missing that person?

is he/she your loved ones?

do you have a fight with him/her that it's been a long time since you've talked/met?

i do miss some people even when i've seen them around.

i missed my late grandmother who had always been there for me with advises, bad or good.

i missed that someone, even if i had contacted you in a way unfavourable for you.

sorry if i sound emo.

but nobody never misses someone. Its a part of life.

ramadhan is coming nearer. some can't wait for it, some loathe about it. for me, i dun mind we're fasting at all, in fact, i am looking forward to it as i wanna test my endurance against food, drink, the weather and my somewhat subsided inner demons.

Its not true, that syaitan & iblis got "locked up" when it is ramadhan.

If syaitan & iblis got "locked up", why are there still crimes and evil being commited all over the world?

its just a metaphor, to "lock up" your inner demons.

all these questions came up while i am writing this entry... hmm... too much thinking la eh... oh well... hahaha...

when are we doing the karaoke/acoustic session/jamming in the sc rm? gotta plan with u guys seh like dat what day... hahaha... isn't dat fun to do? can't believe we cover boybands!! Sabby got sore throat because of singing... tu lah minum bnyk sgt season's ice lemon tea, kan da kene sore throat... but please do take care of your sore throat and yourself... heez.. =P

below are some of the pics me and fazli did while waiting for teacher in the class...

1st time "camwhoring"!! hahaha...

2008-08-24T11:08:00.003+08:00

hmm... no updates for 2 whole days? its the starting of busy me hilmi week...

friday had a talk at AMK campus, the ulu campus. regarding some alumni talk... missed 3/4 of it as it started earlier at 230 when it is supposed to start at 3... couldn't concentrate on the talk entirely as we rushed down from Yio Chu Kang Mrt after knowing it start at 230... *shaking head* and also mayb partly bcos of me not sleeping till 4am... after the talk went town to watch fireworks but due to the rain we have to delay our journey from orchard to city hall... we finally did get to town, got a spot at an area near one fullerton... the fireworks had a delayed start at 920-930pm and ended around 20 - 30minutes later... had dad to pick me, Sabita and AK home...

ytd had a bbq at west coast park... met up with AK and Sabita at queensway... thnks for the advice on which belt to buy... ;D again due to the rain, we had to delay our journey to west coast... made it to west coast at arnd 7-8pm.. ate, chat and met up with the liveband and fitness people who helped out with PASA... missed joking arnd with Sharin and Edwin... more post PASA meetings can? went back home at arnd 10pm, took bus 176 to bukit panjang and 180 to JP... Dan is realli a tourist in a bus... hahaha... Thnks Sabby for being concern that i reached home safely... realli touched by it... couldn't sleep the whole night though... had to do my ever ending JCS & wireless project...

chatted to someone... don't worry ok, if anything were to happen to you, i'll always be there for you, and you can talk to me about anything, no worries and sorry if i were too direct about things...

Monday:Calculus test2
Tuesday: Street Soccer
Wednesday: GM & Jogging
Thursday: Project
Saturday: Investiture Training & ARTROCK2
Sunday:RSAF Open House

2008-08-19T21:14:00.003+08:00

i've been meaning to change this blog layout for sometime but i always decide not to... the word "destroy" on the layout is a word i should describe myself... destroy all the doubts, the fears, the insecurities that i had in me... but i just cannot do it... my self-esteem had and have always been very low, no matter what i do and say... i try to puji diri sendiri sometimes... but it will always be something stupid... i try gain attention from people by doing and saying stupid and demeaning things... i have neither a best friend nor an enemy...

as i took the ride home alone, i didn't listen to any music till i reach boon lay mrt... i guess i am trying to do Sabby's fave thing but what i'm doing is very the opposite... instead of thinking nothing, i thought of everything...

each time i cross the road or drive, i would always think, who will visit me if i crashed or get into an accident? will they think of me once in a while when i am out of their lives? what and how is my life now? who will love me for me now? even the answers to this questions get into even more questions... sometimes i wonder how i manage to get through my life right now when everything kinda falls apart...

in truth, i am grateful with what i have and what i am now... and listening to people reading the Quran on TV with my mum somewhat makes me feel good rite now...

To AK & Sabby, I apologise if I didn't say hi or talk to you today, it makes me feel bad... miss you 2 presence around me..

To Sabby, welcome back to school after the "sick" episode yesterday...

2008-08-17T00:53:00.003+08:00

2 days of going back at arnd the same time... 11-12 reached home... with almost the same people sumore

Friday: went school just for JCS, got shocked as project had to be done by this week... got some unbelievable news/story... do the dreaded JCS project at my house... after which proceeded to West Coast Park McD for exco meeting... had dinner over there... discuss some matters... after which went walking around and sat down at a jetty where we talked and joked... A big thanks to Sabri for sending a bunch of us to Jurong East MRT... saw BlindFold Hero joking around at J.E MRT.. went back in a cab with Bear, Ahmad & Keith... got a call from Sabita saying she's in the same bus with John... hahaha... nice kape... donno if its lucky or not, since John didn't notice you, Sabita... :P

Saturday: Went down to Central to support NeverEnding Problems... after which got lunch at McD(again?!).. Acoustic session at Chinatown... Apologies to AK and Blind Meets Mute for not coming down to support... Finished session at 10+, went back by bus service 51... had fun playing the "pointing game" guys... and Jerome, please help me, your team mate, next time... took cab with Bear at J.E MRT... reached home nearly midnight... will be doing my projects overnight... haiz...

Just found out, Sabita is a big fan of my band, Sketch The Faith... Thanks for publicising the gig my band is involved... realli appreciate it... you, my dear, will be getting something from me for this... the poster is as aboved... the date is on 30th August... tix: $7 presale $8 at the door...

2008-08-14T00:52:00.002+08:00

i noe its kinda late to be doing an entry... its after 1am.. i can't sleep.. so wat the heck yeah... well, 2dae was kinda a wasted day for me except for the meeting though... supposedly no class till 1+.. but my partner couldn't come for the project lesson, so I too not coming for it... hahaha...

had a short PASA appreciation party meeting... sorry AK if I didn't do as I am told since I am quite blur about wat u want.. after which had some nice time talking with AK and Sabby and Syamil... but Syamil went off just as we're talking... yelah ade "meeting" ngan seseorang pe... I totally suck at doing paper roses... then Sabita kepingin bubble tea plak... hahaha... kecian AK, have to repay fasting since Ramadhan is inching nearer... btw, i am an introvert trying to be an extrovert... sorry if i didn't give you 2 the 'peace' handshake just now... forgot ah...

plan to redo wireless project... but just remembered i didn't bring my wireless book... hahaha...

so after getting some movies from Azrun... I watched Step Up 2: The streets at the sc rm... first time I see sc rm like not alot of people coming by... most were like just coming by to say goodbye... I think the damn spoilt air-con got to do with it.. mane la semue jiwa sc rm skrg...

2 days go out of skool with elroy sia...we talked alot... from cigarettes to cca... and pls Sabita, I am not smoking anymore... socially or anyting... unless u wanna count 2nd hand smoke la...

i guess i'll soon be a frequent resident of the sc rm... hmm...

my band, Sketch The Faith, has just change to another genre... we not screamo anymore... we are an alternative pop/rock band...

needs right now
1) a new set of electric guitar string
2) a new guitar strap
3) more cans of Nescafe Latte
4) a life outside of SC and STF

PUBLICITY STUNT ALERT!!!! SKETCH THE FAITH PERFORMING AT THE PLAYDEN, ARTSHOUSE ON 30TH AUGUST... PRESALE TIX($7) AT THE DOOR($8)

2008-08-10T16:41:00.002+08:00

HAPPY, HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE! I just got back from JB yet again.. haha...

8th August:
Got to go to OPA for connect sg... lucky, I am not in the committee or I'll be screaming my head off... realli realli bad planning... kinda lost all the respect for top schools... no co operation at all sia... can see sabita stressed out... she complain why AK so free to msg me... hahaha... me, syamil, hong sheng and azrun helped her out outside when trying to figure out the map and get the people lined up... Sabita ade headache eh... kecian nye... hahaha... went to Bishan with Syamil, Nasri and Sabita... Sabita's debrief was so damn long sia until Nasri had to go off b4 we get to eat... At around 3+, finally get to eat... eat at LJS with Syamil, Sabita & Hadhikah... Went home after that... Joked non stop about me and the mrt tagline "Going to Johor Bahru?"... Hadhikah had one long but always-kena-disturbed sleep... If we were to take a pic.. it'll be a very bad pic of Hadhikah... hahaha... went shopping at JP with Syamil... hahaha...

Sabita and Hadhikah had no idea wat me and Syamil was talking about seh... hahaha... Gd luck figuring it out...

Went to boring JB after Isyak...

9th August:
Slack the whole day on National Day over at my JB house.. done my Wireless project presentation.. watch NDP while eating KFC dinner... Each NDP when they brought up the vid about how Sinapore came to be a metropolis... After Maghrib, sat down with Mum and we did a few paper roses... Gonna be giving it to a few people... Watched "Fight Quest" at Discovery Channel... it is about Brazilian Jiu-Jit-Su.. call me crazy but after watching the show, I start to think of different martial arts for self defence... hahaha..

10th August:
Watch "fight quest" again.. but different martial arts... its about a martial arts street fighting style... got home at about 3-4...

2008-08-03T23:29:00.002+08:00

just got back from JB! long time nvr went to my JB home... i'll be heading there yet again for national day... On the way there ytd nite, i slept in the car like nobody's business... once i reached the house, i like one drunk guy trying to climb the stairs... once up there, i slept on my fave sofa... i guess dad quickly put down the mattress cause i find it quite fast after dad woke me to sleep in the room... woke up at 6+ for Subuh and went to sleep again... the time which i woke up again is nearly 10+... nvr done something like that before sia...although i sounded like its a great sleep, the thing is i had taken some cough syrup before going... went shopping at Jusco which is near the JB house today... Mom bought 1 blouse and 2 pants... at the shop, saw a dress which quickly reminds me of Sabby... and i am kinda glad, my mom nvr bought it...hehehe... i bought 12 cans of Nescafe Latte... kinda addicted to it i may add...

had a bad seafood dinner experience though.. ordered tom yam soup, chap chai(for my parents, not me) and ikan bakar... the tom yam and chap chai arrived but the ikan bakar nvr did... got to find out that the guy nvr write it down on our order... i ate the most even though its a simple dinner of 3... gonna get fat again... dunno shld call it depression or not... but that's wat i'll b doing if i'm upset abt something... haiz...

2008-08-02T09:04:00.002+08:00

today's family breakfast chat had me thinking... thinking of my future... what and where will i be once i had done NS... poly or work?

if i were to pursue for work, what am i working as and at where?

I so wanted to do something like events management (esp gigs/concerts) recreationally or professionally... like what i believe SC is doing... i dun wanna let go of doing dat, no matter how stressful it is...

i would still like to perform... it doesn't matter if the band makes it big or not... i just wanna perform to a big crowd...

if i were to go poly, what course? i have no idea... still doing electronics engineering or maybe doing sound management i guess...

for my personal life... that's another agenda as a whole... if i were to go poly, den maybe there's hope but if i were to work... den i'll just pray to God everyday i'll meet someone...

being an introvert sucks! hahaha.... changes, changes, changes...

2008-08-01T21:01:00.002+08:00

no life... no life... argh!!! back to emo mode again... hahaha... how i sumtimes wish i had someone else life... frens everywhere wanting to hang out/chill with you... my life is boring that i slept in class yet again!

almost getting piss off with my band today... again... haiz... u noe wat... its been a week since i session/jam with them... and everytime i msg him, he ain't replying... wat did i do to deserve this? y r u pissing off with me? r u trying to piss me off? haiz... fuck it... feeling like quiting but i dun wanna... i dun wanna leave the life of a musician... but you two are pushing us away... i felt biased from the way u guys are treating us... fucked up... totally fucked up... can't fucking believe this...

sorry to that someone if i didn't really talk to you and replied ur msg in an undeserving manner...

2008-07-31T08:30:00.002+08:00

woohoo... early morning entry! hahaha... as u can guess... i am different from yesterday's issue... got to finally talk(thru msn la) to a handful of people late at night... i am happy for that... finally, got some FRIENDS who actually care for me... hahaha... pathetic sia reading yesterday's entry... like wanna delete it but what the heck like as if got people read it... i can say only 2 people so far hv read my blog almost regularly i tink... gotta make some changes in this blog... but hv no idea...

just written a song about someone, just gotten the 1st verse onli... actually it sounded kinda like Silverstein's "My Heroine"... but i dunno where it will lead to... maybe there'll be screaming, maybe not... maybe a short solo too... hahaha...

oh well, gotta go skool now, wait for the night entry for any mood changes in me today... hahaha...

2008-07-30T20:03:00.002+08:00

today is the first time since my grandma died 2 years ago..
i actually cried for sometime...
dun worry my dear fren, it wasn't bcos of u...
i cried bcos i felt lonely after a long while..
the feeling just overwhelms me...
i was walking home alone... taking the train home alone...
my hp, for the first time since P.A.S.A., rarely had anyone msged or called me...
my friends whether be it in SC or class, hardly notice me doing anything...
so the thought of it makes me feel insecure...
I ain't got no one to talk to...
i ain't got no siblings...
my parents are too busy with the JB house and their jobs to even look or notice me...
my clique is hardly there...
my friends is there, physically but they don't notice any different in me...
my band seems not to be talking to me and is putting me aside...
i know my problems shldn't be of other ppl's prob and so on...

then i realise, my so called life is starting to end... there is no excitement now... just plain boring days ahead... the thought of me not wanting to wake up to a new day is fresh in my mind... i don't think i'll be smiling in a happy way for the rest of the week and maybe for next week...

sorry for the emo moment... can't help it...

(: FUCK IT! I CAN'T DO A FUCKING THING! FUCK MY LIFE! :)

2008-07-30T00:14:00.002+08:00

the truth hurts... but i guess that's why it's called the truth... but i respect what you decide... i apologise... everybody seems to be apologising today... i seem to be lagging in everything... the truth to sink in... the gig had passed... i am still stuck in the week going to P.A.S.A... oh god, help me...

i guess i'll be alone yet again for some time... i wished and i hoped... but i guess i'll be stuck in this status quo of mine... stuck in this cursed moment time and time again... oh shit... feel like crying now... FUCK!!!

i can't think of a time i changed my lifestyle for someone... i changed for the better... and when that truth came out... i feel hurt, glad and sad all in one... glad i did stopped doing and seeing those things i was addicted to... sad for that rule of yours that will make you hurt even more.. but its okay... u make the rule, u stand by it... i respect that...

listening to Escape The Fate - Friends and Alibis... it reminds of us... Edwin going to NS on October, AK & Sabby going for attachment... haiz...

Parts of the lyrics from Escape The Fate - Friends & Alibis:

And all the friends that I have gone through

And how much I deserve the pain

It's a shame

So hold your head

Hold it up high

Here's to the friends that were alibis

Keep this close by your side

When I come home we will have our night

We will have our night

You were the ones that stood by my side, whoa

And I was the one that fought all of your fights

2008-07-28T20:42:00.002+08:00

woke up on sunday with aches and pain all over the body... walked from J.E to my house earlier on... and had no time to rest... had a big dinner with my cousins and family at Al Azhar Restaurant at Bukit Timah...

Monday blues!! hahaha... new week after Pay Attention Stay Awake... woke up quite early but still came in late for class... hahaha... took the bus instead of the usual train ride... met up with Syamil in the bus somewhere near Hua Yi Sec... talked all the way to skool...

had the pleasure to meet up with Ak and Sabby again to settle some P.A.S.A stuff... but Sabby was having her session with her friends... leaving me talking to Ak one on one... and Ak, i dunno if i shld tell her... i m realli unsure about it... all i need to know is what she tinks of me... i can't actually believe on the info i have now...

slept for a while in maths class... woke up when Sabby msged me about charger... hahaha...

had to go home alone yet again... no friends to go home with... :( hahaha... almost gotten bored to death...

hw to confess to her? a letter? direct confession? help me!

2008-07-27T11:25:00.000+08:00

i can't believe we actually pulled it... the gig was ok overall with hiccups here and there as usual... but doing this gig taught all of us a lesson & gave us new friendships... i sincerely can't believe we did it... 7-8 months of planning, proposing and executing the idea... forget about the turnout... forget about the problems we faced... we realli outdid ourselves... we pushed ourself to the limit even when we are lethargic, sleepy, and hungry... in my 4 years in student council, this gig is the biggest... if my old sc buddies were to ask what is the biggest accomplishment i've done in sc... i would gladly and proudly say the Pay Attention Stay Awake gig... at the end of the night, we felt a sigh of relieve... each of us could finally sleep/ rest peacefully on our beds...

thank you to all who helped us in the gig... taekwondo, fitness club, live band, student council, co-op... its been a pleasure to work alongside you guys... hope we can work together again...

2008-07-25T07:26:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, almost everybody is down and out... the truth of something just sets the atmosphere all around us... The rainy weather's been settling like our mood of yesterday...

Been walking around alone lately... my mind's been running all over the place... That loneliness just sets my lethargic feeling to overdrive... My good friends one by one are going away... And as I walked around town alone yesterday in the rain, I just realised, I don't have any best friends that know me well... nobody knows me... I am either a colleague, a friend or a good friend... besides that nobody knows we well enough to know what I am feeling... I envy Sabby for having such friends who will go to the ends of the earth for her... I am willing to do such things but who will do such things for me? I do not know... I guess its because of my introvert nature that's been making me falling behind in the social department...

But as i listen to the "you're not alone" by Saosin when i was going home... i felt a sense of relieved knowing that there are other people who is also like me or even worst...

and also as of now... I am late for class... Hahaha...

Thanks AK for the ArtRock2 ticket design... You have a future in ticket designing... Hahaha...

Emo then Crazy... i guess that's just me...

2008-07-23T22:28:00.002+08:00

i'm jumping to conclusions about the last entry... but if she see's me that way... then so be it... it seems there's a hidden agenda in her... which i won't elaborate... haiz...

GM today was kind of good... especially when it was my first time being the assistant CCA comm... had convo(s) in almost everywhere during GM... had a one on one session with anonymous one.. i feel so sorry for you... if there is anything, you can always confide in me... haiz...

and me or amir as an imam during break fast outing?! are you guys serious?! but why me? why not azrun or sabri? haiz... whatever la eh... i dun mind at all... haiz...

Sabby, AK, Edwin & me had to check out the hall for projector after class...after which we went out to Jurong Point to get our Tshirts designed... Edwin just can't stop talking/ joking... Me, Ak & Sabby boarded a nearly full bus while Edwin boarded the quite empty bus... he called me just to say he is enjoying his ride in the bus and to tell us that he'll be meeting us later... lucky fucker... but we got our seats near Jurong East area... and somehow a change in Sabby's attitude... She then opened up to me & AK about something... she's missing someone dear... i tink i know why he is like that but decided not to say it as i dunno the guy that well and i mite jump to conclusions again... after submitting our design, had dinner at McD, which i nvr eat.. again... had lots of laugh with them...and that main topic of _ _ _ _s came up once again... haiz...

worried for my project.. dunno if i m able to do it.. haiz

can't wait to finish this sat gig... lots of pressure to be released... lots of nervousness to get over with... lots of emotions and feelings to be let out... haiz...

2008-07-22T20:57:00.003+08:00

2dae was just another plain boring school day... so its no use for me to say anything about my day...

i tink she knows of it... i so dunno what to do now... i guess i'll just keep quiet like i always do... she now rarely talk to me... never dared to be around me... nvr replied my msges... i noe that she ain't ready for it due to some other commitments and now i regret not to listen what she says... how stupid of me.. HOW SO FUCKING STUPID OF ME!!

i am so angry at myself... feel like hitting my head on every walls on my house... i wouldn't think twice of risking friendship over a relationship... and i tink you got the hints frm my previous entries...

so if you do know abt me liking you, pls i am sorry if i nvr did listen to u... i nvr did like the silence you're giving me just now... pls i apologise if i got too strong to you or anyting dats just plain idiotic and stupid... i beg you pls stop the silence...

2008-07-21T22:57:00.003+08:00

i don't feel too good... from my brain to my heart to my body... everything's messed up...

i sometimes feel i'm useless... i'll admit now i have low self-esteem...
i'll ridicule myself up to a point that i don't recognise myself anymore...

i have done sacrifices... big sacrifices...

yet sumtimes i do feel under appreciated even when people praised or thanked me... this is all probably bcos i've been a failure since primary school... i failed my family and my friends in almost everything i've done.. My mom kept reminding me of how i failed her academically and as a person each time i mess things up...

the person i like now isn't responding to me...
why am i that gullible and stupid enough to follow my feelings rather than my head?
i just need to a hint, a simple big hint to cancel that question away...
so please do tell me... someone... anyone...

Again, i have my close friends, Doubt and Fear by my side...
one by one, my friends abandon me...
day by day, i find myself getting further away from the very thing i like most...
and each second, i kept reminding myself of who i am in this world...

no matter how happy i look, i am just not happy with myself...

but not anymore... i planned to change... and i need that someone to help release me from my pathetic low self-esteem and give me the self confidence i duly needed...

2008-07-20T12:40:00.005+08:00

"The China Man Drunk By Fruit Juice Sleeping On Stairs"

yesterday was kind of fun and hectic... had a jam at stone jamz... supposed to be jamming at 4 but was pushed to 415 bcos the band which is using the room came late... haiz... pathetic sia these kind of bands... the jam studio had to push back some time for them la... no basic band etiquette & courtesy...

after jam, supposed to be meeting Sabby for the tix, but bcos she was late, I can't give Gypsy the tix they wanted... but i eventually meet her at Cineleisure at 6+... walked around and watch Deputy Siren perform at Scape while waiting Blind Meets Mute rep for the tix...

after which, we went off, me meeting my band and family band, BlindFold Hero at Waterloo complex and Sabby to her nite activity... I was super noisy la when i arrived... hahaha... Dunno why I like that... Maybe so happy bcos of that someone? Onli Allah knows... stayed there until around 11, close to midnight...

planned to overnight at John's house, but instead of having fun, the guys sleep instead leaving me, Keith and Jerome... Actually Jerome, slept soundly for a while outside of John's house... Like the picture above... hahaha... got home at around 7am... bath and sleep after that... woke up at noon, which is just an hour ago... hahaha...

Supposedly be meeting Gypsy somewhere, and will be buying a pair of shoes today... have yet to study for my tests this week... Pay Attention Stay Awake is just 6 Days away... Still have yet to sell $5 tix to ITE students... C'mon ITE students where's the support?!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Haiz... I am grateful that I have yet to be like Sabby and AK, having meetings day in day out... datelines to be handed in... internal events, external events... personal stuffs to deal with... I have yet to discover how they handle it...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
today, I woke up and wonder... why her? It took quite a long time to get some answers... but the answers quickly became even more questions... I'm having doubts about my feelings towards her...
which is why I keep you in contact

which is why I tried my best to impress you

which is why I stopped doing awful and sinful things.

time isn't on my side neither issit on yours... i understand of your problems of no personal life and such...

the 5 things I like about you:

1) cute

2) always cheerful

3) fun

4) your eyes

5) your smile

2008-07-18T22:03:00.002+08:00

today almost woke up late yet again... but managed to catch the bus in time... had Asri to join me in the bus but due to alot of people in the bus, so had no chance to talk/joke with him... went straight to E.Maths class and JCS... studied for awhile... and went to Causeway Point for Seoul Garden... Had a good time with the old EC1A gang... stayed there for an almost 5 hours... even when the servers had a changed of shifts, we still continue to eat there and joked around... hehehe... so i ended up being bloated at the end of the day...

2morrow will be meeting Blind Meets Mute and Gypsy at around town for the passing of Pay Attention Stay Awake Gig Tix... Meeting with Sabby b4 that.. :P

Pay Attention Stay Awake Gig Countdown: 8 Days Left!!!

Note to self:-
Monday, 21 July 08, Calculus Test, 8am
Wednesday, 23 July 08, Wireless Test, 10am
Thursday, 24 July 08, E.Maths(A book) Test, 1pm
Saturday, 26 July 08, Pay Attention Stay Awake Gig, 5pm

2008-07-17T22:54:00.002+08:00

i had quite a bad day today... 1st, the ppl in the pasa briefing was kind of rude as the ReVampage team is trying to talk and they were like talking even louder... i hope i didn't throw off the atmosphere in the live band room when i shouted... i apologise if it did...

after which i had maths lesson, slept through it all and played Tekken at the end of it.. hahaha...
went to the SC room to relax for a while... after which, i went to Waterloo to have a jam...

To that special someone, i hope i don't disturb you or did something wrong in the morning as from wat you replied me, kind of start my day a lil bad. But after seeing ur face, it just melted the whole bad day feeling until the aboved mention thing happened...

2008-07-16T22:28:00.004+08:00

As the days & weeks are getting nearer to the gig, the sleepless we all get. As the bad news and unfortunate events start to pile up so do the solutions. As stated in Sabby's blog, we all didn't know that the event will be this big.. we just gave the idea and kind of "impressed" the whole Blaze II people with our big budget event... We gain some we lose some that's a saying we can use on the organising committe for the gig... We lose some good people, but we gained a few great people... people with connections... so big, that i suddenly have the urge to have an interest in event management... so strong is the bond between us that we could talk things that is out of our minds... we are no more 2 ccas collaborating... we are more like an event management team... and soon i wish i can tell, we could be more than just friends...

now back to my unplanned boring schedule that i called my life... today i played basketball for p.e since i dunno when... i do suck at it manage to score only once... hahaha... after which i have wireless prac lesson and project... fazli didn't come today which left me doing project alone... sigh... WHY FAZ WHY?!!! after which have a short internal ReVampage meeting... got some bad news from Edwin regarding the equipments... luckily, we got it covered as quickly... thank you Airphonics for understanding the situation and decide to help us...

After cutting tix... me, Sabby and Edwin went to jurong entertainment and had our pizza hut dinner courtesy of Edwin... Sabby eat super slow seh... after which we went home... reached home at arnd 10 yet again...

somehow, i starting to like drinking Nescafe Ice Coffee Latte... and the best thing is it makes me even sleepy than awake...

i dunno if it is time to tell you... even if it is, i dunno wat to say... directly and straight from the heart, that's wat people's advised me... somehow or rather, you acted differently in front of him and me... you liked being teased by him... while in front of me, u seemed bored and uninterested... i have to admit that i m the quiet type... occasionally talk kind... but i had done wat i can while letting nature take its cause... and soon this feelings will either fade or got out... i dun wan it to fade... i have nvr do so much to change a part of my life for a person...

2008-07-14T22:21:00.002+08:00

my legs are tired,my back is aching since BB, my butt doesn't feel a thing from riding on a Gilera from dover to all around town.. and today is just monday... a series of meetings will be done this week and the next... can't wait to get this gig to be done... kind of bittersweet feeling actually...

Just found out the 'tone' name on the knob of my electric guitar gone... gonna need to replace it someday...

tomorrow having a band session at RP... at the same time doing some admin P.A.S.A there... whoo(punches the keyboard!)... killing two birds with one stone... hahaha...

Grace Conspiracy Project is now called Sketch the Faith... Sketch as in doing a makeover of the band while Faith is believing in the band.. at first I had a different perspective of the name, being scared it is somehow unreligious...

2008-07-12T21:29:00.003+08:00

i dunno watsup with me for the last few days... so... i dunno... giving lethargic as a reason is so an understatement as AK and Sabby had the worst of all "lethargic-ness" as they have an endless supply of things to do even before their attachment... i wonder how sc will be like once they've gone to attachment... oh well...

had a meeting with Mr Tan, Mr Tim, Mr Yam, Mr Yang regarding Pay Attention Stay Awake...
Mr Tan wanted the meeting probably bcos he wanted to know about the gig even further and into details like the Ticketing Forms and how it will be done, the Security as always and the charity agenda...

had the whole day to myself... but i somehow wish i hadn't done that... i got easily bored la until Sabby msged the revampage team i presumed to see her vid editting for Pay Attention Stay Awake... the first vid, was not up to my liking... but the 2nd one was good... i was utterly impressed by it... great job Sabby!!

done the PASA ticket form already... i think it's too basic... i feel like i didn't contribute much for the project like what AK and Sabby had done... especially on the gig itself... haiz... somehow, i just feel i like i have been disappointing and irritating for both of you...

tomorrow will be having an audition and a jam session... my back is hurting... had an internal ReVampage meeting later on monday...

Grace Conspiracy Project is under reconstruction... we'll soon be a post-hardcore band and there'll be a name change as well... hopefully we'll cover songs from Atreyu...

IT HURTS... WHEN YOU'VE GOT NO ONE TO TALK TO... IT HURTS EVEN MORE WHEN YOU JUST DISAPPOINT AND IRRITATES PEOPLE... OH GREAT... I'M BACK INTO EMO-ING AGAIN... BUT IT'S OKAY, NOBODY READS THIS BLOG ANYWAY...

for those who does read this boring blog do check out Pay Attention Stay Awake vid: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUivEySpNPg

2008-07-10T00:20:00.000+08:00

dear friend,

I do not know how to say this to you.

My feelings for you have been decided.

My friends had asked me to tell you my feelings towards you but i just do not know what to say what to do once you've heard about my feelings.

I fear the rejection.

I fear that I might risk our close friendship for a relationship.

I fear that what you're doing to me are just being friendly or you are treating me as a big bro.

This doubts had been playing in my head and I even feared for the worst when you've gone far away for sometime.

I almost ask you to be mine the other day but I stopped short when you told me your life story.

I feel so pathetic right now.

2008-07-08T23:09:00.002+08:00

i hope today i didn't make some people feel awkward around me.. we're having an open and truthful convo so i became open and truthful too... almost panicked when AK asked me a certain question maybe about the last entry on who it was...maybe you know maybe you don't... the convo today was really something... shocking revelations from each and every person on the table... just a few question... why am I in the H category? do i really look like the hard to get kind?

after the convo, I head down to RP for a session with GCP... just got home actually...

HOPE THE WHOLE REVAMPAGE TEAM CAN GET A GD NIGHT SLEEP!
& SABBY, A LOVE ENTRY? MISSING SOMEONE EH...

2008-07-07T22:22:00.003+08:00

today is the 1st day of the new term...

got a shock when arrives in school as the first lesson suddenly became calculus! the whole class wasn't even notified abt any change... the whole day is quite how-typical-malay-mats-and-minahs say: "LEPAK"... teached teck min on wireless set up, do wireless and maths tutorials.. and that's what i basically do for all the lessons today...

had a meeting during lunch with AK, Edwin and Sabby... a very, very short meeting... nice ah AK.. hahaha...

gave Sabby her birthday gift... happy 19th birthday yeah... hehehe... hope you like my gift...

got my shirt dirty with chocolate... hahaha...

went out with azrun after school to causeway point, me settling my parents hp bills while azrun settling his bro's hp problem.. azrun and me slept for sometime in the bus... hahaha... after a long time, we finally had done our business... met feros and friend near the carpark... had mcd's for dinner... went straight home after that by train... azrun was snoring in the train ride... hahaha....

To 7227462,

I TRIED TO SAY SOMETHING FOR THE PAST A THOUSAND TIMES

THE MOMENT JUST DIDN'T CAME THROUGH

SO I WROTE THIS NOTE JUST TO SAY I LOVE YOU!

2008-07-02T20:37:00.002+08:00

today is a good day i guess... early in the morning, go skool and saw AK alone in the dark SC room... talked about our past and what we've done before... den Sabby showed up around 930... the atmosphere immediately went quite hyper as we started to crap around including getting my name into Helmina... after which we had a mad scramble to prepare for auditions...at 1130-12 went auditioned with my band "Grace Conspiracy Project" for ITE Pay Attention Stay Awake Gig... quite nervous and kind of embarassing performing in front of AK, Sabby, Edwin and the rest who helps out...

after which had a performance at Ngee Ann Polytechnic... kind of gotten down seeing the set.. a place just outside of the Bus Stop which my mum called "Student ________" can't remember the name... hehehe... we performed like we've never performed before... headbanging, cursing each other, taking our own sweet time talking and joking and so on... after our set finish around 345, we plugged out and "lepak" for a while at the place...and got my name into Helmina again, dis time with my band and after some taunts about me and a certain someone.. had compliments from the band after us and the soundman... i got the guitarist from the next band saying we have good stage presence or great showmanship... i got speechless and just thanked him... said goodbye to the band after drinking my Pocari Sweat... and head down to Dover again...

Arrived at ite dover hall, saw a band playing Holy Diver... cool... put my SG down and sat down beside Sabby, who was manning the cameras for the day... judged a couple of bands and went out of school like around 6pm with Sabby... We went our separate ways at Dover MRT...

Tomorrow will be a short day i hope... will be going off by 2pm...

**Am going JB over the weekend!!! Finally visiting my 2nd house since i dunno when...

***tomorrow i hope i have the courage to tell you my feelings before you go far away...

2008-06-28T22:29:00.003+08:00

1) I seem to develop this new habit besides talking to myself at times... i dunno when i started this habit... from azrun to sabby to ak.. i seem to like to msg ppl when i'm in the train... i can only guess the reason behind it is probably bcos i am bored and i need someone to talk to.. i lost my headphones somewhere in bukit batok and my other earphones is spoilt beyond any repair...

2) today, is like any other day i guess... been travelling almost everywhere... from my house(jurong west) to bbdc(bukit batok) then to anaki jamming studio(chinatown) then to my house(jurong west) then to my aunt's house(jurong west near gek poh shopping centre)... my legs and back are tired from carrying my SG and walking around... haiz

3) i have been eating abnormally since the overnight at ECP... i find it to have a great feeling like as if i am fasting... eat once during the day and eat dinner... it is still twice a day... but i eat like arnd 3-4pm and 7-8pm... so i try to eat as little as possible... ahah.. *wondering when will i be slimmer if i continue this trend*

4) just went to chk out sabby's blog... wat a sentimental moment sia sabby... touched my heart, body and soul... don't worry sabby, i will be the one of those who'll remember you always... i'll try to keep in touch with you once we've graduated...

5)been coughing for the past 2 weeks now... wat my friend say kinda scared me... she say i might be hving pneumonia... i dunno wat am i going to do now... haiz...

6) HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY KAK ZANA!! sorry i can't make it... stuck at my aunt's place doing nothing...

7) received a msg from AK today regarding P.A.S.A. , it isn't good news... can't believe this people... either its typical malay attitude or egoist or backstabber... i dunno ok... reading the msg just kinda make me piss off...

8) i hv this huge crush on someone quite close, its hard for me to express it, its hard for me to say, if the truth be told, i dunno wat to do nor say, someone please help me, help me with this, i'm desperate for an answer...

9) Grace Conspiracy Project will be performing at Ngee Ann Polytechnic on 2nd July 3pm.. Do check us out if you have the time...

2008-06-27T08:28:00.000+08:00

this week is kind of sleepless...

monday had an audition at the cathay's ben & jerries.. after which had an overnight at ECP with SC... the overnight is kind of good beside the fact that there's injuries everywhere once the nite cyclists came back... we had fun joking, talking and so on.. monday and tuesday somehow became into one as i kept thinking it was monday when it was tuesday... sabby tink like dat too... hahaha...

wednesday have an exco outing at vivocity... planned to have dinner at marche, ended up having takeaway dinner at the rooftop... an unofficial exco meeting suddenly commenced... again i had fun joking, laughing and taking pics... reached home arnd 11+...

thursday, have 2 meetings... cca and internal p.a.s.a... and a project class... initially wanted to go for only cca meeting but since fazli isn't coming.. i then had no mood to do the project and ended up not going... so i had a mcd lunch with sabby and ak... after which we make up events for the next few months and conclude on who to do what for p.a.s.a... went home at arnd 6 since i have curfew...

today's plan seems to be kind of crash... two guitar sessions at two different place with two different set of ppl... haiz... i'm just afraid that one day i might just get sick of playing the damn instrument... i do hope that day won't come...

everyday i seem to see ak & sabby bcos of p.a.s.a and SC... its not that i'm complaining or anything... i see you two almost everyday till i kinda getting fond of you two... i will miss you two once you two go for attachment.. haiz...

regards
kasarnova-helminion

from dictionary.com:-
fond -
1.having a liking or affection for
2.loving; affectionate
3.excessively tender or overindulgent; doting
4.cherished with strong or unreasoning feeling

2008-06-18T22:39:00.000+08:00

today was not so bad at all... have a P.A.S.A meeting with bedok's bridge club at fullerton's starbucks...rain almost stopped us from meeting... AK was drenched and Sabby was stucked in esplanade... miscommunication was almost everywhere... after the troubled moment... we went to marina square... edwin bought a belt and sunglasses if i'm not wrong.. after going on the edwin's shopping trip, we went to the aboved "kopitiam?" and had our lunch/dinner... had tons of laughter with sabby thanks to edwin being high and azrun entertaining him... after doing some talking and jokes... azrun, sabby and me took bus home, in the bus we talked some more on the sc stuff... after azrun left, sabby showed me some 30 seconds to mars and tokio hotel clips... thanks for that... now i'm addicted to the song attack by 30 seconds to mars and had my band to play it... hahaha...

to AK... relax... i can see u r like handling a lot of things single handedly... divide the job... maybe some events u can have one committee to handle...

to Sabby... U shld relax too... there's no need to stress over Alif... i can see he is doing quite well collecting money and stuff ...

to Azrun... what's there to stress over the events... me and azmirah is there to help you...

if any of you guys want some help, i m always willing...

regards
Kasarnova-Helminion

GCP & NEP 4EvA!

2008-06-16T21:26:00.000+08:00

the song "apology" by alesana kept ringing in my ear.. i dunno why... being emo again i guess... i've written two bloody songs... but it was deemed too emo by my bandmates... what the heck... i can't write fucked up happy preppy songs... its either about girls or about something emo... hahaha... can't stop thinking about something...

today, went out with azrun and pravin... me and azrun had some admin stuff to do, after which we all went to sim lim square as azrun and pravin wanna buy memory cards for their psp(s)... after getting games and the memory card... azrun wanna search some other pc stuff... pravin can't believe his ears when another shop is selling the same thing at a cheaper price...
and i can't fucking believe what azrun wanna buy 2morrow...

1) 1TB external hard drive
2) 160GB iPod classic
3) canon e400d camera

i dun mind the camera and the iPod, what i mind is the 1TB of memory... that's like 1000GB of memory... fucking hell, i want that kind of memory for my external hard drive...

my holidays isn't like a holiday, its more like busy schedule time... i tink i can relate how sabby and A.K is feeling nowadays... though i have been there quite sometime ago...

with regards
Kasarnova-Helminion

2008-06-14T23:21:00.000+08:00

meetings, gigs, outings, projects, homework... that just summarises the whole of my 3 weeks holidays.. yesterday had the somethingood street performance.. and it was majorly bad... today had the audition for Scape's "listen to the salad days".. the judges sad to say are a bunch of stuck up people.. except for one actually... they never gave any comments, just sat there.. giving no expressions whatsoever... as usual, my guitar effects just bring me down... for 2 days, my effects let me down... haiz... what am i to do... my schedule is so packed that i have no chance to go work.. and azrun... i hope you're gonna be right about dover will have it's own sc couple at the same campus...

2008-06-01T16:39:00.000+08:00

Had another gig today at Music Garage... it was damn great la... the energy was totally different from ArtRock... the audience was magnificent as well... moshing to "Disillutioned"," Melodic Endings" and "Unholy Confessions"(A7X Cover) and singing to "Sugar, We're Going(/Falling) Down"(Fall Out Boy Cover)... and the highlight for the night was when Ahmad's guitar flying to the audience... after the show, we hang around our usual place, the bras basah complex, till late..

Future Gigs:
6 June - Music Garage
7 June - Wheelock Place
13 June - Heeren
15 June - Heeren

2008-05-11T20:58:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was one of the most hectic, nervous and fun day i've ever had... Went to Telok Ayer Performing Arts Centre with my band, Grace Conpiracy Project.. Help out with some stuff for the gig..

At around 2pm... we're all get ready to fuckin rock!! first up, is rising heart, they played old skool rock and metal... love the holy diver cover...

then its GCP's turn to rock... it is very fucking nervous seeing the crowd gathered near the stage... i played my hearts out though my ppl say they can't hear my amp and lots of stuff... and i screamed! its the first time i fucking scream! it felt quite great... hahaha...

after our set its 9 o'clock to rock out... they covered metallica and motorhead, their originals are fucking sweet...

then its Never Ending Problems slot... the most anticipated slot for me... they played their usual stuff... but had to take turns with Jerome(GCP's vox) so that there's at least one person at the ticketing counter..

then its last day out, act deux and mercy may cry... the whole gig ended around 7pm+...

After the gig, N.E.P, GCP and 9 o'clock hang out at bruce(nep's drummer) studio till late... we then head out to McD for dinner and went home after that...

2008-04-13T20:01:00.000+08:00

a break from the hectic life of me... hahaha... lame sia... well... yesterday was the most tiring but great day... just came back frm jb at arnd 3-4pm.. had an altercation with the customs which is about 4 DAMN EGGS AND A FUCKING PACKET OF NUGGETS.. went to bras basah for session with ahmad, john and jerome... after a while of sessioning... a friendly rock band came by.. they are called "9 o'clock"... don't ask me why... they are just called that... these guys are so friendly even when they don't know me at all... they cover songs like "Ace of Spades" by motorhead and made originals something like that genre too! and they came with the ever beautiful and sexy AudiOcean vox Sarah Nicole sumting sumting sumting...sorry... forgot her full name ah... and lorraine (is that correct? i dunno.. sorry)... i actually wanna go off around 9 plus... ended up leaving around 11+! we had fun playing "stress"(i watch only, didn't play.. too stressful ah), heart attack(did play and was my hand red after that), and "murderer"(also play the game, i am always the murder/police suspect, damn sia) and Sarah, thank you for complimenting me, realli made my day... hahaha... after talking about a lot of things and making a mess... we went home taking cab... i am never gonna forget that nite... hope to hang with you guys again...

regards
Helminion ;P

2008-04-10T21:33:00.000+08:00

wow woo!! long time nvr update yet again.. quite a lot of things happened since the last update

1) went to KL for holiday and ate Carl's Jr
2) Got into a new band
3) updated Gig plannings
4) knowing 3 ppl going out of Dover to pursue further knowledge in Poly
5) knowing 2 ppl is going to Dover from BB
6) my gpa gotten down due to Bs
7) teacher being biased for my gpa due to my one-time discipline problem
8) losts my keys for the 4th/5th time

going to be busy for the rest of month... so i dunno when i am gonna update next... meanwhile here's two pics of the Carl's Jr burger i ate at KL

2008-03-10T20:54:00.000+08:00

so very the long time nvr blogged... boring2 life and time prevented me frm doing so... today, had an exam on Communication & Networking... and was it damn easy... i just hope i pass my CnN...

The new season of "The Arena" has just started... and RI's last speaker super damn boring... it was quite obvious that he cut and paste frm a reseach website... what kind of student uses words like "frivolous"? hell, i dun even fxxxing know what the word is... issit so hard to use simple words instead? i dunno how high RI's standard is but having a speaker who talks like a soft-spoken girl... is very bad for my standard

The last speaker frm the girl's side was a tad too rushing... she's trying too hard to get her point out...

In the end, its the elitism frm the judges for RI to win... Oh well...

2008-01-28T21:57:00.000+08:00

call this an emo post... call it whatever you want... but this is one of my darker post... everyday i woke up and i thanked Allah that i'm still alive, still have the chance to do good... i had a fight, a quarrel... i had lost things that i loved and treasured... people had been avoiding me... all these make me realised one thing and decided on a statement...

IF I HAD LOST THE SUPPORT OF MY FAMILY AND LOST ALL OF MY FRIENDSHIP, MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT WILL END..

2008-01-23T23:08:00.000+08:00

Have you read the page 3 article in the new paper yesterday? Its about how educated people, like a doctor or a principal, keep getting ruder by the years... My guess is its because of their egos and a big case of elitism in Singapore...

e·lit·ism or é·lit·ism
1. The belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

2. a)The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.
b)Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

The government seemed to protect this "kids" in JC probably due to their high intellect. Yet, this "kids" are migrating and not helping at all in the Singapore economy, they aren't exactly polite nor courteous... An example: A top JC student talked bad about the other races, his punishment? a fine and a written public apology... If an ITE student were to do something like that... I assume that the punishment is harsher as we are tried as a "young adult"... which is sometimes funny lah... if i am doing something good, i'm a teenager, if i'm caught doing bad, i'm tried as a young adult...

There was a time during my time in SCBB, i've worked with RJC and SP as a facilitator for a camp called Youth Avenue... though we had fun... overnight at camp playing poker... debate about certain topics... Made some new friends... My friend who was my Head Of CCAs got the best in something though i'm not sure what... Moshed when West Grand Boulevard jammed it up on stage with Daphne Khoo... It's all fun then RJC decided to pick the "elite" (note the inverted commas) SC ITE Simei just cause their campus is new and bigger than ours and had done something i've just know of, a few months after the camp...

I still remember an episode on the CH5 Debating Competition "The Arena" between RI and UWCSEA regarding elitism... the RI seemed to have a vendetta with the topic... I just told my parents on the night watching that episode... translated from malay to english...

"Alah... with UWC can lah... they dunno shit about the topic as they're a private school... try against ITE ah... see who have a big vendetta about the topic... they're reading from a card... i can tell them off by just standing there..."

I know its like words of a big shot... but its the truth... If only ITE have a debate club, then maybe... just maybe...

regards
Hilmi

2008-01-22T21:34:00.000+08:00

Came to school early today... 1230 already reached school when the lesson starts at 1300... then had bittersweet news that the DPA test has been postponed to next week I tink... If it is... then next week got 2 tests... wah liao eh... damn sia...

just this afternoon, I finally learned how to do a basic pinch harmonics! It took me more than a year to do... next step... guitar sweeping skills... and please no broom-sweeping-on guitar jokes okay...

today, the major news is all about how the asian market had fallen... i say is this is all the U.S fault... how?
what they are thinking is more on who's their next celebrity president is...
who they will wage war on...
put all their tax money building up their military instead of on education, business and welfare... and they kept bringing up their past especially "Sept 11"...
Who is kissing Britney Spears...
What will Britney do next...
What is new fashion line today...

I remembered a saying from who or where i'm not sure... it goes:

"Oh, how the mighty had fallen..."

Thanx 4 the Organised Chaos...

Bloody Emi

2008-01-20T20:12:00.000+08:00

Its been more than a week since my last post... my last post about my lost stuffs... boo hoo... well... just found out that for the next 2 weeks there'll be a test for each week... This week will be DPA... can say quite easy... the following week... is gonna be the dreaded CMN... damn sia... the last test I could barely make it... now for some quite good news... my JB house just got ASTRO! I still prefer SCV though... but hey, its lesser of two evils sort of thing...

Just bloghopped to ITE BB Ryzal's Blog... and I can't help but to answer Sabrina's tag about ITE BB's SC being united and all... Its easy...

1)open the SC room everyday...
2)make it known that SC room is open everyday and everybody is welcomed
3)make SC room into a room to hang out, to study in, to have fun.. not only for meetings..
4)let there be food & drinks in the sc room...
5)don't make the exco hang around only with exco... mix together with the normal members...
6)make it a point to drop by the sc room... be it to study in it or to have fun in it...
7)eat breakfast/lunch/dinner together...
8)learn to trust each other... there's no point being united if you can't trust one another...

All of this is what I think could be done so that there'll be camaraderie( dunno if its correct spelling or not) among members... All of this is what I've learnt back in BB, since i've done being an unofficial assistant house comm... hahaha...

Thanx for the organised chaos...
Bloody Emi

2008-01-11T21:15:00.000+08:00

2 days of misfortunate events... yesterday, i lost my locker key... den i got my bag, which is inside the locker , stolen... which holds some of my prized and personal possessions... just a message to the I AM GONNA BLEED THE FUCKER WHO STOLE MY FUCKING BAG... I SURE AM GONNA PUNCH YOUR FUCKING FACE... YOU UNDERSTAND ME...

today... early in the morning... i nearly got ran over by a car... i didn't look out for any cars on the road when i am crossing... still on a hangover about the aboved situation i guess... and guess what... the thought of getting ran over thrills my mind... it somehow makes me happy... suicidal thoughts again... dammit...

regards
kasarnova-helminion

2008-01-09T21:26:00.000+08:00

yesterday got a new timetable for the term... first look at it and all i can say is, it kinda sucks... no more free fridays... :( however... today just got good news... instead of free fridays, most of the class got a free wednesdays instead...

today is kind of fun and exciting... went out early to Vicom near ITE BB with me mates... Inspection and etc... Poor Arse... have to fork out nearly $160 for a new IU unit... Went to lesson straight after that... Met up with hafiz at skool and went to Brickworks for a late lunch... along the way whether from Vicom to skool or from skool to Brickworks or from Brickworks to The Frontier... there's always something exciting on road like seeing a van tipped to the side on a filter lane... getting smoke in your eyes while waiting for the traffic... nearly got hit by a van... speeding after the fucking van... and lots more... hahaha...

well... tonight is actually a new year for all muslims... but knowing most malay youths nowadays, they don't even know it... the islamic calender doesn't follow the christian calender thus the different dates for both Hari Raya(s)... FYI, we, muslims are gonna have 2 new years for 2008, one is on 10 January while the other is in between Christmas and New Year(2009)...

Regards
Kasarnova-Helminion

2008-01-04T20:01:00.000+08:00

Blaze camp had come and gone... just sad to say that i've forgotten my digicam... di immortales betol... well... made my circle of friends quite a lot larger... winson, farah, nemo, kwang sheng, nicholas(es?), jimmy and lots more... hahaha... the lectures to me are farely boring... i am usually halfway asleep... but at night, we have fun... especially the last night... had fun playing poker with the guys, uno with both girls and guys... walked thru the boardwalk... haiz... if only there is a r&r day where we all could go out somewhere to hv fun instead of getting to "discover" the obvious about the surrounding area... in the bus, a whole lot of people slept "soundly" probably due to fatigue from the last day of training and the overnight adventures... went to boon keng mrt with farah and nemo while alot of people went to novena square to hv lunch... went home alone while trying to be emo... hahaha... went straight to sleep just after my horfun lunch...

fyi, i am interested in 3 girls during the camp, but i just don't hv the courage to make my feelings known... hahaha... see la... getting emo liao...

regards
kasarnova-helminion

2007-12-17T17:28:00.000+08:00

just editted the blog... i tink...this holidays is very hectic... i have meetings... project to submit... holiday homeworks thanks to mr chui... blaze camp... driving rush pracs and again... no time for me... hahaha... might as well let me be a parent... hahaha... lame sia... yesterday went to sakura international restaurant at clementi which is in middle of masjid tentera and the NUS dorms... the dorms look like condos... had a very hearty buffet meal... ate salmon fish... had some mussels and lots more... all for 28 bucks... i tink i am gonna suggest my friends to dine there someday...

2007-12-10T18:02:00.000+08:00

2 weeks of no update... pretty busy huh... not... i just realised that this term, i don't have much time to get myself some free time... monday - thursday... school... morning till afternoon, 5-530pm! fridays... spent on BBDC and the newly jamming sessions in my house before that... saturdays and sundays... malaysia overnight expedition... the only thing i've done for myself every week is to play street soccer every saturday morning and that too might get into occasional terms... haiz... sometimes i wonder... why am i left with no time or no days to myself to have fun... where is my friends when i want to hang out... i guess my timing ain't up to theirs... how come things like my electric guitar, laptop, ps2 and handphone became my closest friends... heck... i don't even have the time to go out to buy a softcase bag for my newly acquired Epiphone G400... haiz... i just don't know why...

today... i had a surprise call from some guy regarding blaze II... i was kind of shocked when he said that i requested for the change from grp 2 to grp 1 because i have some volunteer job at clementi cc... for all i know, kishen approached me cause grp 1 has majority girls and grp 2 has all guys, and i dunno someone wanted a mix of both girls and boys... and me with my anything attitude had just fallen into being the exco's scrapegoat... c'mon la... if you want me to lie to the guy, just tell me... you don't have to go way behind my back to get me to the other side... one day when i'm snapped i make sure my voice would be heard... as for now... i'll just have to look and see...

"When push comes to shove

I'll put on the gloves

Intentions are cruel

I ain't nobody's fool you know"

-a verse from Billy Talent's "Sympathy"

Regards

Kasarnova -Helminion

2007-11-22T20:14:00.000+08:00

saturday... i am gonna get a new electric guitar!! hooray!! but i'm caught in a dilemma... a squier telecaster custom or a epiphone les paul custom... i would realli love to get the custom.. but it costs almost 1k! while the squier cost almost half of that.. oh well...

just got to know that i got selected for blaze 2... i realli hope that the camp is almost as fun as the 1st one even when it a bit lesser...

am playing need for speed prostreet now... and might even play ace combat on ps2.. i just hope that i won't get bored as easily anymore.. with new games.. new stuff coming by the end of this week...

i just can't wait to get that guitar.. wanna try many new songs from billy talent.. etc..

oh yeah.. i dunno how but i am slated to play guitar with sabri for the year 1 orientation.. though i am not sure what songs he has in mind.. i just hope that what he meant by nirvana is just a joke.. i can play sure guitar but please i am not that good... i only had 2 supposely called gigs experience and both are at ITE BB... once for cca fair under live music society while the other is last year combined investiture at ITE BB... oh well... i guess i'll just play whatever it is...

regards
helminion-kasarnova

2007-11-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

well, well, well... Combined Investiture College West 2007 had been done and finished... Long time hadn't seen the whole lot of BB excos aka my ex-juniors... The morning had been quite hectic with wei quan and jon calling me where i am... just to get an answer that i am an invited guest by BB... sorry guys... well... the invest is okay... although the performance lack energy to get the atmosphere running... the lack of guests also makes the auditorium look empty and deserted... I got a shock when dover put 2 pics of me in the sc room and also i make such a fuss when BB's vid featured a few of my pics! After the invest, went down for the main course... FOOD!! just get a big dissapointment... 3 grps of ppl are waiting down at the food counter... the central sc... simei sc... and the hq exco... hahaha... it is quite a bad thing making people wait... next time guys... don't make people wait too long... be it taking pics... or have a debrief after the invest...

BB outgoing... its such a great time we had when I was your senior... you guys have done quite well maintaining the BB heritage name... thank you for your invitation... i hope to see you again in the coming future... be it outside... or somewhere...

Dover SC Incoming... I'm sorry if I prioritise BB first and I might rub salt on your wounds or something... but I would like to apologise for everything in the past... The present... is under you guys hands... I have good faith in you guys...

and sorry for running away so fast in the middle of the meeting of outgoing and incoming excos down at the food tables... had a promise to meet my friend at JE at 1... so had to rush down...

and erm... dis is out of question... puteri, liyana and farzanah... you 3 look stunning... hehehe...

DR SC... just to make it clear of the statement made by our ex-vp... dover isn't no.1 in west nor central... as of yet... we could change that... we are no.1 in terms of manpower... if we're no.1... we'll be getting events outside of school... I have done multiple events outside of school when I was in BB... I think the 3 top SC campuses is AMK, Balestier and BB... Simei SC is an understatement made by people outside of SC... they suck... I know... I've seen how they've work... which makes me glad not to be in their campus and SC...

wow... dis is my longest blog entry ever... hahaha...

regards
Kasarnova-Helminion

2007-10-24T20:13:00.000+08:00

whoo... today is the sc dover elections... and this is the list of excos

P: Jon
VP: AK
Secretary: Carole
Dep. Secretary: Rizuan
Treasurer: Sabrina
Dep. Treasurer: Terry

Can't remember half of the rest, but remembered that Amir, Wee Kiat, Azrun, Fu yu, Ki Shen, is in the rest of the exco..

but there are some positions that are particularly ridiculous... discipline comm? 3rd I/c?
what i believe should've been is an AVA/IT head... a 3rd I/C cause some of them are going to IA? A discipline comm for what the fuck i dunno...

I have been there and done that with just 2 people running the SC back in BB... 3 people running amok in school trying our dire best for the SC... we don't have a discipline comm cause we have the respect to the leaders.. we don't have a 3rd I/C cause its ridiculous as he /she might not know how to run the SC... from the way it looks, I will not be active... as there is like a clique in the exco that seems to hate me to the core... oh well... what can i do... i am powerless but yet still influencial..

before i end this blog entry, i would like to congratulate the people who make it into the exco... but just a reminder... attending meetings and doing events is just the beginning... sacrificing your time will be at a norm... problems will soon surface in many forms... in short... I WELCOME YOU TO THE SC HELL...

regards
helminion-kasarnova

2007-10-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

i'm bored... it is supposedly to be TGIF, but hey, as usual, my TGIF is at home, crapped up by my laptop, tv and guitar... hahaha... well... today's friday prayers somehow, make me feel majestic with the great turnout for the prayers, which made the mosque to do the prayers twice... however, it is sad to see how the numbers quickly twindled just a week after, for the friday prayers... he said of guys going to friend's and relative's house instead of going to the friday prayers which is even more wajib or compulsary... but alas, this guys prioritise on other things besides the friday prayers... the way the bilal said the sermons, just made me feel good being one of the people going for the friday prayers... the following do'a came with a booming response... i think the whole majority in the mosque agreed to what the bilal is saying... haiz...

there's some things i just discovered or theorised... US might have the only GPS system in the world... it consists of 24 satelites surrounding the earth... mr.chui told the whole class the whole story of the US GPS system... then i thought of something... US spent billions of dollars on GPS systems and such... and till now, they have yet to locate the one man they've been searching since 2001... no guessing who huh...

regards
kasarnova-helminion

2007-10-16T10:04:00.000+08:00

ramadhan is over and now its hari raya!!! hahaha... the month of ramadhan is quite long sometimes probably due to the "summer" heat... oh well... its over now... now I have other things to worry about... school! driving! SC?! hahzahaha...

well... the update on SC dover is just the nominations for the elections... which is really ludicrous for me... an example? Ariffin is getting a nomination? he already have a post... for what should he run for election? it is unfair for others? I have no grudge or any hatred against him... but its just that he already have a post... which is the assistant of well being... can't they push someone else? there are others who although not great but good enough to make the cut... the others aren't that shocking... Jon, Rizuan, AK... at least they don't have any post currently... if I had my way... I'd say Jon to be President... Rizuan as the Vice... as both of them are dance mates thus makes a great team working together... as for AK... i'm not too sure as to where to put her... maybe in secretary... maybe in project community as i've seen that she have a lot of ideas for projects and stuff... the other person whom I'm sure of... well... I have to see who it is first... as for Ariffin... hmm... back to his post? or maybe an upgrade to the head of well being seeing that he has maybe seen 2 different heads of well being...

to tell the truth... i had no idea as to why i'm too concern of the inconsistency of dover sc... i guess its my instincts as one of the guy in SCBB... hahaha...

regards
Kasarnova-helminion

2007-09-11T22:59:00.000+08:00

ah.. finally done my damn project.. now.. its the holidays! but don't get too excited yet.. there's the fasting month.. (sigh) the whole fasting month at home some more.. (sigh) dunno what to do to kill time.. hahaha.. games? checked. cable tv? checked. internet? checked. guitars? checked. i'm just praying that my dark side don't just come up with something during the fasting month.. argh!! oh well.. haiz.. went to a gig last saturday with fahmi.. went there to see my friend perform.. the gig just keep knocking on my head, reminding me as to when will my band be on stage? 2 performances at ITE BB and that's it? haiz.. and here I thought we could go far.. drummer Ben, where are you always gone to? haiz.. wanna get an outsider to fill the drummer slot.. but Fahmi and Haq don't want.. as they want to maintain the brotherhood of BBSC.. but if he kept on MIA, when and how will we progress? haiz.. however, filling the drummer slot with an outsider is like carrying a double-edge sword.. cause he might not link up with me and the rest well.. I also tink we need a singer.. my preference is a female.. but by hearing and looking at the band.. we need a male singer.. if you guys were to read this, talk to me or msn me or write at the tagboard..

regards
Kasarnova-helminion